Recovering from Grief and Moving Forward in Your Life

Grief arises as a rumbling deep from within our soul as we take in the experience of loss.  Without it, our soul is numb, for grief deepens and expands our experience in life as we are changed through the meaning we give it.  It softens the hardened heart bringing forth a greater understanding and empathy for others. 

By allowing grief to soften the heart, it is no longer entrapped by irrational demand to control and impossible outcome, but is freed to form a new sense of compassion and empowerment.  We are awakened to a new perspective our our wold that we would not have had without the experience of grief.

That we love implies that well will grieve.  There are times that only through the depth of our grief are we able to truly see the depth of our love.  To understand love, one must also understand grief.

Grief: an encasement of sorrow surrounding us like a tight fitting blanket; black, encasing us in endless pain and sadness.  We lose sight of our direction and lose touch with our souls.  Hidden behind the darkness of our emotions a dark veil of disconnection descends between us and the inner light of our being.  Within the shadow of grief we cook and grow, fostering a reemergence as a seed protected within its cocoon like shell.  Hard and alienated, life continues to well within.  Awaiting the moment of life giving water allowing it to break its shell and come forth into the world anew and vibrant. 

We are not alone in the world with our grief.  Everyone on the planet experiences grief at some point in their lives.  Because we love, we form attachments with others and we experience grief when those attachments are broken.  If we had formed a bond, then we will experience grief if it is broken.

Grief is an essential process for healing from a loss.  Experiencing grief is unavoidable if we are to heal.  Grief is the process that allows us to take in the reality of the loss unchaining us from the past and allowing us to move forward in our own life.

We may not want to accept what has occurred.  We may become angry about it; and in that process, we connect with feelings that reveal to us the depths of our love for that individual.

As our loss sinks deeper, hopelessness, deep sadness and depression reveal themselves to us.  We shut down and go quiet allowing the healing to begin on the inside.  We are now acknowledging our loss and in the process we are slowed by depression eventually allowing us to come to acceptance over the loss that has occurred.  It is a slow cooking process, not to be hurried.  It is a sign that we are healing.

As we come to acceptance, we release our demand on a different outcome.  Acceptance doe3s not mean that we like the outcome, but we stop fighting our loss and that gives us permission to move forward and join life again. 

With the dawn or our acceptance, we reach out to others.  We reaffirm our current relationships and we engage in forming new ones.  We once again address our own needs.

Find those things that you enjoy, allow yourself to take a rest from your emotions without placing judgment on yourself.

Dr. Walton's latest album, Healing from Grief and Finding Peace in Your Life, was just released. Check it out on iTunes, Amazon.com, and CDbaby for free samples. For more information on Dr. James E. Walton you may log onto his website at LAtherapist.com There you will find free affirmation downloads, videos, self-help CDs and helpful topical pages for you to explore.

Grief Recovery: Coming to Acceptance

Grief is something we will all experience in our lives.
Because we live, form attachments and love, we experience grief when these attachments and bonds are broken.

It makes little difference how the bond was broken. If we had formed a bond, then we will experience grief if it is broken.

Our experience of grief is an essential process for healing from a loss. Experiencing grief is unavoidable if we are to heal.

Everyone experiences grief in their own time and manner. Through the processes of grief, we both cry and laugh as we remember the individual. It is a process of integrating the reality of the loss into our lives in a way that allows us to move forward in our own life.

During the first part of the grief, we may not want to accept the reality of what has just occurred. It seems unreal, unfathomable.

We then may enter a place where we feel angry with the other person for leaving us and we feel abandoned or victimized. Under that anger is our pain. It’s another indication of how deeply we loved that person. This is good, because we are getting in touch with our feelings and it shows us that we did love that person and we’re angry at their loss.

We may then try to make deals with God or ourselves to bring them back, for instance, “I promise to go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life if you just bring him back.”

As the reality of the loss sinks deeper into our consciousness, we may experience a feeling of hopelessness, deep sadness and depression. This is the phase most commonly recognized in the grief process.

This phase allows us to shut down and go quiet so that we may heal on the inside. We’re finally acknowledging the loss but we’re physically and mentally slowed down by the depression. This slowing down process, brought about by the depression, allows us to gradually come to the acceptance of what has actually occurred. This is a very important part of healing from the loss and should not be rushed or avoided. Ultimately, it’s a sign that you’re healing.

At times, it can feel as if we’re going through all of these phases at once and other times, it can feel as if we’re jumping around from one to the other in no particular order.

Finally, at some point, we experience a sense of acceptance for the loss. Acceptance doesn’t mean that we like it, but we stop fighting our loss, and that gives us permission to move forward and live. When we come to acceptance, we once again begin to listen to, and take care of, our own needs. We reach out to others, we reaffirm old relationships and we engage in new ones.

In the meantime, find those things that you enjoy doing, that give you a sense of rest from your emotions, and do those things without casting judgment on yourself.

Dr. Walton's latest album, Healing from Grief and Finding Peace in Your Life, was just released. Check it out on iTunes, Amazon.com, CDbaby for free samples and other online outlets. For more information on Dr. James E. Walton you may log onto his website at LAtherapist.com There you will find free affirmation downloads, videos, self-help CDs and helpful topical pages for you to explore.

Near-Death Experiences: The After Life

The focus of my dissertation research was on near-death experiences as a rite of passage toward spiritual maturity. It is available for your enjoyment through the link at the bottom of this post.

Having an awareness that there are things out there in life hidden from our view creates for me a mystery. Mysteries bring a sense of awe. Experiencing the awe of a mystery can have a greater impact upon our psyche than the actual revelation of the mystery.

Returning with the mystery that their lives continued after their deaths, the near-death experiencers in this study gained a renewed awe and appreciation for life. They reported a change in their attitudes toward life that they attributed directly to the NDE. They claimed that where they were once selfish or fearful in life, they were now giving and fearless. They spoke of returning with a renewed sense of love, respect and wonderment for nature. Their motivation for doing right action was no longer based on fear.

By sharing their stories with us, they have brought the gift of mystery into our own lives. As in Pandora’s box, these pioneers have brought back with them the gift of hope in a world wracked by insanity.

There is no greater gift than the gift of hope. For in our hope, we meet our innocence. In our innocence, we hold no malice. By holding no malice, we are open to the processes of life and by opening to life, we hold eternity in our hands.

Near-Death Experiences: The Research

Emotional Weight Loss from Sadness

I was recently interview on a network news show about a reality star's weight issue. She had recently lost a tremendous amount of weight over a short period and I was asked to comment on the mental health surrounding such weight loss and it’s influence on the public, especially young girls.

She appears to have lost between 20 and 30 pounds, by my estimation, over a three month period. According to the reporter, she stated that she lost the weight from sadness. I stated that it’s not healthy to lose that much weight that fast especially if she is not doing it through a well managed diet. When you are purposefully trying to lose weight, losing one to two pounds a week is safe.

Losing weight in a healthy manner includes exercise and eating healthy foods and supplementing with vitamins to replace the vitamins you are not getting from a restricted diet. If she lost all that weight from not eating because she was unhappy, then she was not taking care of her body. She was probably not eating the healthiest foods nor taking vitamins nor exercising if she was not taking care of her body. That alone is unhealthy way to lose weight.

Aerobic exercise is very important to maintaining good health and it also helps to lift us out of depression. Her unhappiness combined with weight loss sounded more like a possible depression. When we are depressed, we can stop eating because nothing feels pleasurable to us anymore.

Instead of seeking pleasure, depressed people sometimes turn inward and isolate away from pleasurable opportunities. People suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can also lose weight as a symptom of the disorder. Often, we can’t lift ourselves out of a major depression or PTSD by ourselves. At those times, we may want to seek out a therapist to help us through those times.

I have a sense that she is not really setting a bad example for girls in this particular case. If she were touting her sudden weight loss as a sexy desirable thing to do, then yes she would be doing young girls a disservice. I’m not so sure that this is what she is doing. This seems to be something episodic for her and that she’ll probably go back to her more natural weight when she has resolved the issues in her life that are triggering this weight loss.

At least she was aware of the connection between the sadness and the weight loss. Undesired weight loss is a sign that something is wrong emotionally and that something needs to be addressed. She has an opportunity serve as a wonderful example to young girls as someone who listens to her body and her feelings and takes action to take care of and respect it when it speaks. We all go through phases of sadness, fear, loneliness and depression. That’s normal.

By honoring those emotions with patience, respect and self-love, we are able hear the quiet whispers of what those feelings are trying to tell us about ourselves. Her body may be trying to get her emotional attention. She may want to listen to what it is trying to tell her. My guess is that her body is asking for more love and acceptance of herself. In order to do this, that love must be found from within and not from the outside.

Always consult your physician should you experience sudden or unexpected weight loss. It could indicate a serious medical condition that needs attention.

For more information on Dr. James E. Walton you may log onto his website at LAtherapist.com There you will find free affirmation downloads, videos, self-help CDs and helpful topical pages for you to explore.

Introduction to Dreams - A Window to Our Souls

Each morning most of us awaken with a vague awareness of having been somewhere else. Holding onto bits and pieces of images from a dream state, we often dismiss them as flights of fancy from a creative mind. We then go about our day without giving them a second thought. Often, these wisps of visual imagination are forgotten within moments of arising from our beds.

We might wonder if they do hold any valuable information for us. Certainly, throughout history many cultures from around the world have held those nightly visions sacrosanct. But do they hold anything for us in this modern world today? Dreams, what are they? where do they come from? do they hold any value for us? and how can we work with them? are some of the topics I’ll be exploring over the next few months on this blog.

During each night of sleep, we experience an average of four or five cycles of dreaming. Dreaming is an essential part of maintaining good mental health. If we are denied the dream experience, such as being awakened before the dream cycle begins, we tend to awaken exhausted as though we didn’t receive any sleep. If this were to continue for several days, we would begin to experience dreams in our waking state known as hallucinations. Although science cannot say for sure the exact purpose of our dreams, it does acknowledge that dreaming is an essential part of good mental health. Respecting, listening and understanding our dreams can only enhance our experience in the waking world.

Some people view dreams as an expression of our projective selves. That is the part of ourselves that we deny or that is unexpressed during our waking state. Others view dreams as unexpressed wishes and desires of the dreamer. Some people believe that dreams are “alive.” That they have lives and bodies of their own. That they are not mere projections of the dreamer and that the dreamer is not the center of the dream. Still, others view dreams as divination of the future and others view dreams as the voice of nature and/or the collective unconscious.

I personally believe that all of these and more hold validity and should not be dismissed off hand in a desperate bid to confine something as elusive as a dream to a ridged rule. To distill the meaning of dreams to a simple constrictive definition cuts off our full relationship to this profound and dynamic world.

If a picture is worth 1,000 words, then a dream is worth even more. When we reduce a description of a painting to words, we lose something of its essence. Words, as very important as they are, still require a reducing or containing of an image in order for it to be conveyed verbally to another. In the process, we lose something. Have you ever tried to tell a friend of a situation that you experienced, only finding yourself defaulting to, “You just had to be there” out of frustration because words “failed” you in expressing the essence of what you were trying to say? Words are very limiting by their nature.

When we try to define a dream through words, we are doing the very same thing. We are distilling it down to what we think is important and eliminating other essences. What we end up with is more like bleached white bread than the stone oven baked seven grain whole crackling wheat bread we started out with. It’s obviously lost a lot of its substance.

Drawing from the inspiration of Dr. Stephen Aizenstat at Pacifica Graduate Institute of Psychology, we can do something about this. First, approach the dream without words if you can do this. Listen to the dream present itself. Do not try to associate the dream with other events that are going on in your life. Do not talk about how you feel about the dream. At this point, this can be very limiting and stop your creative understanding process. Just listen to the dream as it is presented. Later, you can talk about your feelings and associations. For now, just be with the dream in a very still state.

There will be many more writings on dreams. This is a first installment as an introduction. For more information on Dr. James E. Walton you may log onto his website at LAtherapist.com There you will find free affirmation downloads, videos, self-Help CDs and helpful topical pages for you to explore.

The Relationship and Career Profiler - What's Yours?

Try scoring yourself on the "The Relationship/Career Profile" and see if your personality matches your career.

Knowing your relaxation personality profile can be helpful in understanding yourself, choosing a career and knowing what methods of communication you might respond best to. Rate how closely you agree with the statements below and add up the total your score then match it with your personality chart at the bottom.

Scoring by Points:
Never – 1
Sometimes – 2
Half the Time – 3
Most of the Time – 4
Always – 5

Questions:

1. How often do you initiate sex?
2. How often are you the first to apologize?
3. Do you enjoy makeup sex?
4. Do you enjoy sex with the lights on?
5. Are you comfortable with a hug from a stranger?
6. Do you enjoy traveling to new places and meeting new people?
7. Do you enjoy public displays of expression and affection?
8. Do you require others to go with you to the movies?
9. Do you easily express your emotions and feelings toward others?
10. Do you enjoy spending money on yourself?
11. Does your handwriting slant to the right?
12. The perfect evening for me is leaving home and meeting new people...
13. How important is the label of your clothing?
14. How important is it that others like you?
15. How often are your hands warm?
16. I enjoy being busy...
17. I enjoy working with my hands...
18. For me, form over function is important...
19. I don’t sweat the details...
20. How easy is it for you to overlook the flaws in others?


If your personality score is...
20 – 35 You're the Introvert
36 – 51 You're the Inquisitor
52 – 68 You're the Trouble Shooter
69 – 84 You're the Trailblazer
85 – 100 You're the Performer

Click here to find out the meaning of your personality score.

Coping with Holiday Stress & Blues

The holidays are approaching and it can be an exciting time. People are busy making plans to visit with loved ones, attend parties, throw dinners and travel long distances. The holidays are presented by the media as a magical time of fun and celebration. They are presented as a time of renewed connection with family members, partners and loves. We are fed images of shining happy faces who are meeting, greeting and exchanging gifts in front of a backdrop of abundance and welcoming arms. I say, “Sign me up!”

However, the reality we experience can be quite different. Generally, we are facing financial strains, time pressures and unresolved family issues as a result of the holiday season. I'm not saying this to take away of the magic we might experience during this time, however, these are real experiences that people face during the holidays. We tend to place so much pressure on ourselves to have a good time, that we end up having a miserable time from all the pressure we place on ourselves.

First, try to maintain a realistic perspective on what you are able and not able to do during the holiday season. Many times, people feel that they have to attend every invite they receive and this can become overwhelmingly stressful. Become clear on what you are willing and not willing to do. Pare down your commitments to what feels reasonable to you and what you are comfortably able to do. You may have to graciously decline some of the invites to keep your sanity and reduce your stress level. Prioritize what events and social gatherings are important to you and just do those. You don’t have to do everything that comes your way. After all, it’s not reasonable to stop your normal day to day schedule or cram it full just because it’s the holidays.

The holidays is a time when we gather with family. Many times, those families have lots of unresolved issues that can explode during the holidays. The reason is that the physical distance we have had from those members throughout the year has played a modifying effect on our reactiveness to them. Now, the holidays are here and we are forced to be together. Given the demand on our emotions and the other stresses around the holidays, we do not have the same emotional resources at our disposal that maintains our composure when under stress. We may find that we explode at family members with very little provocation.

To help get a better handle on the situation, do not force yourself to spend much time with people who irritate you. Be realistic. Your problems with a particular relative are not going to magically disappear because it’s the holidays. Reduce your exposure or avoid that person if you can. The holidays are not the time to work out your differences. There are too many other demands on your shoulders at this time. Should you choose to work out your issues with that individual, do it at a different, less stressful time.

Another good coping stratigy is to take many short breaks from family gatherings. Go out for a short walk or talk to a friend on the phone. Taking frequent breaks can help break feelings of rising tension and reduce stress enough to allow you to reenter the situation with your family with greater composure.

If you are under financial stress, cut back on the gift giving. Buying expensive gifts is very stressful if you don’t have the means and you will be paying off that gift into the next year causing you even more stress. The idea of giving a gift is about showing a gesture of love and thought. It is not about competing for attention or buying off someone. Small gifts can have a greater impact than large expensive gifts if you put some thought into the gift.

Putting thought into the gift means give some consideration into what kind of gift the recipient would appreciate that conveys to them that you understand their interests, likes and/or who they are as people. It’s a way of showing them you appreciate them and know something about them. When you give a gift that shows the other that you understand something about them, it is truly loved and appreciated.

The holidays can also be a time of great depression. The number of individuals suffering from depression tends to rise during this time. With society at large throwing warm welcoming families, abundance, and romantic love into the faces of those who may not have those things, it can be quite an upsetting experience. Who really wants to be reminded day in and day out on such a large scale that they lack any or all of those things. It can make us feel lonely, helpless and hopeless.

If you find yourself in that situation, you need to take stock of your expectations and make sure they're realistic. Don't expect more of yourself this time of year than you would at any other time. Take a break from holiday music and television specials if you find that they're turning you into "Scrooge."

Most people dread the holidays because their inner experience is so different from what is being hyped. You should trust your own instincts and don't try to be what you're not. Keep up your normal routine and know that this day will pass too.

If, however, you are unable to shake what you think are "holiday blues" your feelings may not be about the holidays, but about other things in your life. If you need help in sorting out or dealing with this issue, seek out a licensed therapist with the training to help you do so.

To help you cope over the holiday season, you may want to check out Dr. Walton’s free audio affirmations. To watch Dr. Walton’s videos on overcoming depression you may log onto his YouTube.com site listed at LAtherapist. To assist you in stress relief or anger management over the holidays you may check out his albums on Amazon.com and iTunes. For more information on Dr. Walton you may log onto his website at LAtherapist.com.

Wedding Night Sex and Beyond

There is a growing trend in America for couples to separate the night before the wedding. Your decision to do that is up to you and the requirements of your religious beliefs. However, a wedding is a rite of passage and most rites of passage call for an experience of separateness for the initiate. That separation can be utilized as a gift allowing us to honor our singleness that one last time before we let go of it forever.

In my opinion, the release of our singleness needs to be honored. It adds to the magic of the ceremony to be apart the night before. You go to bed alone the night before the wedding and mark the end of your existence as single. The next day on your wedding, you see beloved at the alter for the first time marking the beginning of your new life as a couple. That is to be honored.

There are some couples who put off sex until the wedding night. Those circumstances can really put the pressure on. If this is your situation and you find yourself exhausted on your wedding night, put sex off and structure a time of relaxation and rest instead. Wait until you have the time and are not rushed to catch a plane or even worse, staying in someone else’s house and feeling self conscious. Structure a time when you are able to be alone, relaxed and calm for the exploration of each other’s bodies. Take time with each other and above all else, lower you expectations.

Often, engaged couples do not look beyond the wedding day. The excitement of planning the event is overwhelming. There are so many things to plan and prepare for that all their energy is focused on one point: the wedding. The last thing that people expect to feel after their wedding is depression. Well, the post-wedding blues are not uncommon. Both men and women experience this phenomenon. It is much like the letdown we feel the day after a major holiday such as Thanksgiving or Christmas.

As a couple, you are moving at full steam ahead toward the wedding and after it is accomplished, you will probably experience a momentary pause. The glamor of the experience is now gone and you might feel a sense of disappointment. This is completely natural. You have both gone through a rite of passage where something was lost, your singleness, and something was born, you identity as a couple.

For more information on Dr. Walton’s self-help for weddings, log onto TheDrWaltonSeries.com. To watch Dr. Walton’s video on the History of Marriage log onto YouTube.com. For more information on Dr. Walton, and to obtain free audio affirmations log onto his website at LAtherapist.com.

What Is Hypnosis?

Hypnosis can change unwanted habits. It can change lack of motivation into a powerful desire for change and it can change your life if used correctly.

Hypnosis is a natural state that we all go in and out of every day. For the purposes of hypnosis, we can say that our minds are divided into two sections: the conscious and unconscious. In the conscious mind, we use logic, reasoning and will power. In the unconscious, we form associations and responses; it is the part of the mind that holds the imagination. It does not know the difference between fact and fantasy. The unconscious makes up 88% of our thought power; the conscious makes up only 12%. In hypnosis, we harness that 88% to our advantage because that 88% is much stronger than the 12%.

Through hypnosis, we distract the conscious part of the mind from blocking the messages we want to place in the unconscious. The distraction of our conscious mind causes us to become highly suggestible to ideas.

An example of this takes place when we are driving. Can you remember how difficult it was, learning to drive a car? The first few times you did it, you had to remember a lot. The first time you drove on a highway, you had to remain alert and probably drove slowly and cautiously. Now, you just get into the car and drive without thinking. Sometimes you might actually find yourself passing by your exit, or wondering how you arrived at your destination, you did not remember getting there. You may have found yourself getting into your car on a Saturday intending to go to the store only to find yourself driving halfway to work before you realized what you were doing.

These are all cases of driving your car while you are under a state of hypnosis. It is actually a very safe state to be driving in. While we are driving under hypnosis, we are using our unconscious mind, which already knows how to drive a car. If we did not use the unconscious part of our mind when we drove, we would have to learn how to drive each time we got into the car. This would not be a safe thing to do.

The unconscious knows how to drive the car. It enables us to do all of the maneuvers that are automatic for driving. What we need to remain conscious of, is where we are going. That is why we end up going to work on a Saturday when we intend to go to the store. We simply go into hypnosis as soon as we get into the car and drive without thinking. For some of us, the steering wheel becomes the trigger that sends us into instant hypnosis. As we place our hands on the wheel, our unconscious takes over and we begin to drive.

We instinctively know what to do. That is because all of the associations with the trigger are lodged deep in our unconscious and we respond to that.

Clinical hypnosis in a therapist’s office is something very similar. With hypnosis for relaxation, you place a trigger in your unconscious mind that will allow you to feel peace and safety instantly anywhere you are. With it, you can convert any stressful feelings of anxiety into healthy feelings of empowering excitement. You place this trigger there yourself and you have access to it at anytime.

Through hypnosis you are using the most powerful part of your mind, the unconscious, to reduce your feelings of anxiety through the creation of images. This association is similar to the association you might now have with a steering wheel and automatically driving. Your unconscious will experience these images as real since it can not distinguish the difference between reality and fantasy.

Through hypnosis you can change many different types of behavior simply by reprogramming your unconscious mind. You can find greater peace in your life, fall asleep at night more quickly, reduce tension and anxiety, stop smoking, lose weight, get motivated for exercise, improve test taking and memory, overcome many different types of fears, resolve grief, and heal old wounds from breakups and negative experiences.

For more information on Dr. Walton’s self-help hypnosis audios, log onto www.TheDrWaltonSeries.com. For more information on Dr. Walton, and to obtain free audio affirmations log onto his website at LAtherapist.com.

The Wedding Night, both Straight and Gay

This writing applies to both straight and gay couples who chose to get married. Studies from UCLA's Williams Group show that these two groups are nearly identical.

On the wedding night, many newly weds place tremendous pressure upon themselves to perform sexually and we all know that pressure to perform can inhibit the performance and enjoyment of the sexual experience. If you talk to others, you will find that they were so tired that first night after the wedding from all the anxieties, hubbub, and preparations that had to be handled leading up to the wedding that they were too tire to make love that night, and just fell asleep. They just put it off until the next morning when they were rested and not pressured.

And certainly, if the man has difficulty achieving an erection that night, it is understandable. Stress and anxiety make it difficult for men to achieve and maintain erections and it has nothing to do with their desire for their partner. If your partner has difficulty achieving an erection on the wedding night, cuddle and put off sex until there is less pressure and he is rested and there is time for intimacy.

Remember, you are looking at a long term relationship. An orgasm is not the goal. The real goal is a marriage of closeness and intimacy. Don’t make an orgasm the goal. It’s too pressured. Remember, you are both going to be exhausted. You have been performing for weeks since the announcement. Do yourself a favor. Drop your performance on the wedding night. Experience the high of lying in each other’s arms and just being. There will be plenty of time for sex in the future. Be real with each other and begin building a relationship together based on love and acceptance.

Some people pressure themselves to have the best sex ever on their wedding night. It won’t be, so drop that expectation. You will be exhausted and there is a good chance you have had some alcohol. It is an unrealistic demand to place on yourself. Intimate wonderful sex develops over time and it builds as your spiritual, emotional and physical selves grow together.

It is not uncommon for one or the other to fall asleep as soon as they hit the bed on the wedding night. If this happens to you, take a deep breath, and remember that you love them. Remember the good times you have had together. Put a cover on them and lay a rose by the pillow and give them a kiss goodnight. Show them how much you love them when they awaken in the morning after the long deserved rest that you are both entitled to. It is a great metaphor for what marriage is like. You have to compromise. You don’t always get what you want, but through it all, you still love each other.

Now, before you fire off an angry email at me I want to clarify that this, in no way, should be interpreted as a suggestion that one should kowtow to the other. However, it is important for the health of the relationship that you both take care of each other. So at times, one of you may need to put aside personal desires for the good of the relationship. This give and take must go in both directions and not end up where one person is always being the accommodator to the other.

For more information on Dr. Walton’s self-help for marriage, log onto TheDrWaltonSeries.com. You can also follow his tips of the day on Twitter@LAtherapist. To watch the video of Dr. Walton’s History of Marriage log onto YouTube.com. For more information on Dr. Walton, and to obtain free audio affirmations log onto his website at LAtherapist.com.

Wedding Night Jitters and Other Common Wedding Anxieties

Let’s take a look at some of the sticky issues that are likely to appear around your wedding and how to handle them.

The first topic we will look at is commonly known as the wedding night jitters.

In today’s age, people are more sexually active in their relationships than they were in the past. It is highly likely that you have been having regular sex with your fiancé long before the wedding night. The biggest fear for the wedding night will probably not be about sex. More than likely, the biggest fear is going to be “is he or she really the right one for me?” “Have I dated him/her long enough?” “Do I really know this individual?” After all, you are about to do something that can’t be taken back, not even through divorce. If this happens, and nearly every engaged couple has experienced it, reflect back on the good times you have had together and remember why you love him. These jitters will pass.

Now, some other common anxieties you might encounter on your wedding night could involve hotel reservation mix-ups, canceled flights, and other unpleasant surprises that seem to fling themselves upon us at crucial moments. To survive this part, be flexible. View any glitches that come along as wedding survival stories to be told in the future. As they mellow with time, they may be seen as gifts to be treasured by you as you tell them over and over again. Every married couple has experience wedding survival stories, just ask them.

For more information on Dr. Walton’s self-help for weddings, log onto TheDrWaltonSeries.com. You can also follow his tips of the day on Twitter@LAtherapist. For more information on Dr. Walton, and to obtain free audio affirmations log onto his website at LAtherapist.com.
Press Release Catch Dr. Walton talking about the History of Marriage on YouTube.

You Can Reset Your Sleep Cycle from Early Morning Waking to Jet Lag

Just as difficulty falling and staying asleep can indicate anxiety, a sudden change in your sleep pattern where you would normally sleep until 6 or 7 am, you now find yourself wide awake at 4 am, can indicate a possible underlying depression. If this happens to you, consult with your physician and relate your symptoms. Counseling, and sometimes, anti-depressants can greatly help relieve the symptoms.

There are actually times when less sleep is beneficial to an individual is suffering from depression. They can take advantage of the early morning waking and get out of bed and go for a walk or get active in some other way. However, when dealing with depression, always consult with a licensed mental health professional.

Jet lag is another culprit when it comes to sleep disruptions. When traveling through different time zones, it can take up to two weeks to adjust to the local time. One of the best ways to aid in resetting your sleep pattern is to get out of bed at your usual time no matter how much sleep you have had. You will find that within a short period, you will begin to get sleepy at your usual time. You may not feel very rested the first few nights, but over a brief period of time your body’s internal clock will reset itself. Some people have found the addition of melatonin to be helpful when to resetting their internal clocks. Melatonin can be found at your local health food store. Inquire at the store about its use.

For more information on Dr. Walton’s self-help for sleep, log onto TheDrWaltonSeries.com. You can also follow his tips of the day on Twitter@LAtherapist. For more information on Dr. Walton, and to obtain free audio affirmations log onto his website at LAtherapist.com. Press Release

How to Release Anger and Calm Yourself Down… It’s Easier Then Your Think!

There are several ways to calm yourself down from anger.

1. You could do the hypnosis session on the Dr. Walton Anger Management Album.

2. You could do several minutes of the controlled deep breathing. You will find that on the album as well.

3. You could take a personal time out by walking away from the angering situation.

4. You could do a progressive muscle relaxation starting with relaxing your toes and moving up to the top of your head.

Another way to purge yourself of angry feelings is to do the opposite of your impulse. Do something nice for that person. Just the act of doing something nice is enough to release anger’s stranglehold. It also builds intimacy and a greater sense of trust with the ones you love. Never miss an opportunity to build trust and intimacy. You can do it even when you are angry.

Now, this brings us to the final point. That point is that no one else is responsible for your angry actions. All behavior that we engage in, including anger, first passes as a thought. We think our way into anger. We can also think our way out of it.

You alone make yourself angry and you alone control your own behavior. No one else is responsible for your anger but you. You have the power over your choices and actions and therefore you have the power over your anger.

Acting out our anger through yelling, slamming and hitting can have an adverse effect on your health. Angry behavior is very destructive to our important relationships. And, angry behavior can get us in trouble with the law.

When a couple continually acts out their anger on one another, their love begins to die. Instead of arguing, discuss the pros and cons of something. Negotiate for what you want, but don’t argue. It always takes two to argue. You can stop an argument by not engaging.

Instead of arguing, set a time in the future to discuss the issue when you have both calmed down. When you come back together, discuss the issue in a calm manner and be accepting of each other’s feelings, including the anger.

The spontaneous expression of anger is destructive. Express your angry feelings later when they are not so strong and the risk of impulsive behavior is reduced. Express yourself in a controlled and contained way. Reduce the demand that things must go your way. Then, acknowledge the other emotions that are behind the anger. You can actually use the situation as an opportunity to build a deeper sense of intimacy with your partner rather than using the acting out of anger to build greater distance.

Remember, no one else is responsible for your actions but for you. No one can make you think or feel anything and only you make yourself angry.

For more information on Dr. Walton’s anger self-help, log onto TheDrWaltonSeries.com. You can also follow his tips of the day on Twitter@LAtherapist. For more information on Dr. Walton, and to obtain free sample audio affirmations log onto his website at LAtherapist.com. Press Release

What to Do If You Are with Someone Who Is Angry

When you are feeling very angry, it is not the time to talk about your emotions. If you are standing when you are feeling angry, sit down, take several deep breaths inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Try counting backwards from twenty and get some distance between feelings and actions. When we are feeling angry and standing, we have an inner drive to approach and this could lead to a physical encounter. Go off, and cool down. However, let the other person know that you will be back. It shows that you have respect for the other person and that will count for a lot when you come back together to discuss the issue.

If you are with someone whose anger is escalating you can help the situation by telling them to “stop” and “calm down.” Get them to sit down if they are standing. If the other person is already out of control with their anger, just get out of their way and physically leave the situation. Do not engage them if they have a potential weapon in their hand.

Do not try to talk with each other about feelings when one person is very angry. This can lead to tracking. Tracking is when one person follows the other around and continues with the verbal attack. Tracking can lead to physical violence when the person being followed feels there’s no escape. We track because we have a fear of being abandoned. Do not track another person. Just allow them to go off and cool down.

Anger always has another emotion behind it. Often our anger is a front for fear, pain, hurt, shame or guilt or any combination of those. When angry, sit down quietly and ask yourself, “What is behind my anger?” What am I afraid of, what am I hurt by? What am I ashamed of? What is my guilt? Doing this can help you gain insight into your anger and allow you to deal with it more appropriately.

If you are yelling and hitting things or acting out of control in any other way, you are not expressing your feelings clearly. When we act out our feelings in place of verbalizing them in plain English, others interpret our actions from their own personal past experiences. For instance, if I tell you in a calm and controlled manner that I felt angry over your being late for dinner, I am clearly expressing my feelings in plain language that leaves little room for misinterpretation. However, if I begin to jump up and down and start yelling and hitting things because I am angry at your being late, you will become defensive and begin to shut down to what I am trying to say. You will move away emotionally. You will not be able to clearly understand my message because you are too busy trying to protect yourself.

We interpret actions from our reservoir of past experiences. By acting out anger through actions instead of clearly verbalizing it through words, our listeners are left to interpret our actions in their own way. We then have no control of their interpretation. It is like playing a dangerous game of charades.

When we act out our anger, we are in danger of feeding upon its energy and expanding it. Contrary to popular belief, acting out anger whether shouting or hitting something does not release us from anger. It actually amps up our angry feelings. Instead, it is better to do something that will calm us down.

It is important to quiet ourselves in the midst of our anger. When we are angry, we fill our heads with angry words and leave no space for listening to our inner voice. This is the reason why we are so off center when we are angry. We have no connection with our internal wisdom at those times.

For more information on Dr. Walton’s anger self-help, log onto www.TheDrWaltonSeries.com. You can also follow his tips of the day on Twitter@LAtherapist. For more information on Dr. Walton, and to obtain free sample audio affirmations log onto his website at LAtherapist.com. Press Release

Getting Anger under Control Is Easier Than You Might Think!

To get a better handle on your anger, reduce the things you think you need to have to things you want to have. We become angry when we convince ourselves that the things we really want are things we need. There are very few things we need in our lives. Those needs that we do have relate directly to our immediate survival. Our daily upsets almost never relate directly to our immediate survival.

To reduce anger, reduce the demand that something must be your way to a request. Reducing it from a demand to a request will help to reduce the anger that you feel. For example, exchange “I must always get my way,” with “It would be nice if I got my way.” Notice the change in your attitude and demeanor when you exchange “must” with “I would like.”

Try asking yourself if the angering situation is going to really matter 100 years from now. What is your answer? Then ask yourself if you would rather be right or happy. Sometimes we prefer to be right, but usually we prefer to be happy. These are two techniques for reducing the demand that things go your way.

Never attempt to settle an argument when you are angry. Walk away from the situation, sit down and cool off. Deal with the situation later when you are rational. Feel with your heart, but act from your head.

Dealing with a situation when your anger is out of control can only lead to disaster. Never punish children when you are angry. Walk away, calm down, and then deal with the child. Punishing a child when you are angry only teaches the child to distrust you and it damages their sense of safety with you. It also teaches that inappropriate acting out is OK for settling issues. I want to reiterate that acting out behavior is not OK for settling issues.

For more information on anger self-help, log onto TheDrWaltonSeries.com. You can also follow his tips of the day on Twitter@LAtherapist. For more information on Dr. Walton, and to obtain free sample audio affirmations log onto his website at LAtherapist.com. Press Release

The Healthy Expression of Anger... You Can Do It!

The healthy expression of anger is when we are able to verbalize our angry feelings in a calm and controlled assertive manner. It is important for us to own our feelings and clearly verbalize them. In order to assert your feelings clearly in a way that can be heard, follow these four steps rather than exploding with anger.

1) Describe the offending behavior.
2) Express how you feel about the offending behavior.
3) Explain the effects the offending behavior has on you.
4) Request a different behavior that you would prefer over the offending behavior.

An example would be: "When I find the knapsack on the table I become angry, because it leaves me no place to put my work down. Would you please place the knapsack in your bedroom instead?"

By doing this, the listener is more open to your request. You invite them in to be part of the solution. You confront with control.

Uncontrolled acting out of anger interferes with talking and listening. By speaking in a calm voice, others are better able to hear your feelings and hopefully respond to you in a similar and respectful way.

For more information on Dr. Walton’s anger self-help, log onto The Dr. Walton Series. You can also follow his tips of the day on Twitter@LAtherapist. For more information on Dr. Walton, and to obtain free sample audio affirmations log onto his website at LAtherapist.com. Press Release

Understanding Anger: Expression vs. Acting Out

Anger is the emotion that we are least willing to let go of. Once we are caught in its grasp, we hold onto it by repeating the angering incident over and over in our heads. This type of reflection can cause our anger to exaggerate to the point where it feels out of control. However, our experience with anger doesn’t have to be this way. In fact, anger can have a positive effect on our interpersonal relationships. Anger causes our energy level to rises enabling us to take needed action.

In my private practice in Los Angeles, I have discovered that many people do not realize that there’s a difference between feeling anger and acting out anger. Most people never realize that anger can be a healthy feeling which can motivate us to constructive solutions. When we act out anger, it involves an explosive effect that is typically destructive. When we engage in acting out anger, we avoid the healthy expression of our needs behind the anger.

Anger is a signal that something is wrong with our environment. Often, it’s a sign that our boundaries have been crossed and we need to fix it. We also feel anger when we are confronted with the unpleasant fact that we can’t control other people. We also feel anger when we are denied what we believe we are entitled to. Our anger is an attempt to control others and compensate for our feelings of helplessness.

Once we recognize our anger and deal appropriately with the triggering event, there is no need for continuing to hold onto the anger. Anger has done its job of warning us and raising our energy level so that we may take action. Once that is accomplished, anger has completed its usefulness.

Many times we hold onto anger well past the point of its constructive usefulness. We become invested in the belief that acting out our anger makes us more powerful or effective. In actuality, it does neither. Holding onto anger, past its usefulness, makes us appear weak and unstable. We then use it as an unhealthy way of holding onto the past. This is the point where we confuse the healthy expression of anger with the destructive acting out.

The healthy expression of anger is when we are able to verbalize our angry feelings in a calm and controlled assertive manner. It is important for us to own our feelings and clearly verbalize them.

For more information on Dr. Walton’s self-help anger album, log onto www.TheDrWaltonSeries.com. You can also follow his tips of the day on Twitter@LAtherapist. For more information on Dr. Walton, and to obtain free audio affirmations log onto his website at LAtherapist.com. Press Release

Overcome Fear of the Dentist... Yes You Can!

Are you giving yourself negative thoughts, ideas, and words that are deterring you from going to the dentist?

Many people have a fear of the dentist and avoid dental appointments at all costs. Frequently, the cost is at the expense of their teeth and health.

Fear of the dentist is frequently about the fear of losing control. It can also be instigated by a particularly bad experience that may have happened at the dentist’s in the past. Anything associated with the dentist at the moment you were experiencing discomfort can become instantly associated with an anxious response.

Maybe it is the sound of the instruments; maybe it is the sight of the office, or even the sound of the doctor’s voice. If you’ve felt discomfort at the dentist’s office in the past there is a good chance you have created an association between the symbols of the dentist and anxiety. In any case, it feels like a loss of control and anytime we feel out of control we feel anxiety.

Understand that going to the dentist is actually about you gaining control. By taking care of your teeth, you are gaining control of your body, health and appearance. Seeing your dentist is definitely about you taking control of your life and situation.

I have created a free audio affirmation to help you overcome the thoughts and actions that have interfered with your ability to take care of your dental needs. This recording offers a quick way to align your consciousness with new attitudes and thoughts that will foster your confidence, lift your sense of calm, and take back the power that lies inherently within you.

This affirmation is here to serve you. It is designed to tap into the incredible strength of your mind to connect you to the power of your thoughts and build your sense of personal control.

Listening to this affirmation is an opportunity to train your unconscious mind with positive messages. It allows you to empower yourself with thoughts that support your sense of personal control and health.

Simply relax your body and mind with a few deep breaths and then follow the words on the audio, repeating them to yourself. It’s as easy as that.
Clicking on the audio link to access the page and you are on your way! Feeling Relaxed at the Dentist Audio Link.

For more information on Dr. Walton’s self-help albums, log onto www.TheDrWaltonSeries.com. You can also follow his tips of the day on Twitter@LAtherapist. For more information on Dr. Walton, log onto his website at LAtherapist.com.

How Much Sleep Is Normal and How Much Sleep Should I Get?

Difficulty falling and staying asleep can indicate the presence of a medical issue that needs to be addressed by a physician. If you are experiencing some sort of sleep disturbance, consult with your doctor first to eliminate any medical causes.

Difficulty falling asleep is most often related to anxiety. The more anxiety you’re feeling the more difficult it may be for you to fall asleep. Anxiety can also interfere with our ability to remain asleep. You may have noticed that during times when you are feeling anxious, you may frequently wake up at night, sometimes as frequently as every hour.

It is considered normal for adults to wake up once or even twice during the night. Sometimes this kind of waking is misinterpreted as a problem with sleeping. However, it is normal and rather common.

Our sleeping patterns actually change over the course of our lives. As new born babies, for instance, we do not distinguish day from night in regards to sleep. We would wake up to interact whether it was the middle of the night or the middle of the day. As newborns, we had not yet developed the sleep pattern that allowed us to sleep throughout the night.

By the age of four months, we began to sleep more during the night than during the day. Over time, we eventually adjusted to sleeping through the night and being awake during the day.

At this very early age, we slept about 12 hours a day. This is normal. As we became older we required less sleep. From adolescence into adulthood we generally require eight hours of sleep to feel rested in the morning. By the time we reach our late 50’s and 60’s we require much less sleep. Usually only five or six hours is enough.

Requiring less sleep as we get older is not a sleep disorder. It is a natural part of life and you would do better to accept it rather than fight it. Trying to make yourself get more sleep will only make you more anxious and interrupt the quality of the sleep that you actually do get. It will probably have the opposite effect and cause you to get less sleep.

For more information on getting enough sleep and to listen to free samples of Dr. Walton’s self-help hypnosis album for falling asleep at night, log onto www.TheDrWaltonSeries.com. You can also follow his tips of the day on Twitter@LAtherapist For more information on Dr. Walton, log onto LAtherapist.com.

Sleep: a short history

The average individual needs between 8 and 9 hours of sleep any given night to feel a sense of complete rest when they awaken in the morning. Too little sleep can make us feel groggy and less alert during the day.

Just as too little sleep can be damaging to our bodies and health, so is too much. Generally, more than 10 hours of sleep a night is not healthy either. Getting more than 10 hours of sleep a night, on average, can raise an individual’s chances of experiencing depression during the waking hours significantly.

The history of sleep in our culture is quite interesting. Before 1900, the average amount of sleep people acquired was 9 hours. After the light bulb became common in households, the average amount of sleep individual received dropped to 8 hours.

The cause? People were staying up later because of the artificial lighting and were no longer tied to the natural rhythms of sun light. Light, and the lack of it, are directly tied to the production of melatonin in the brain. When we enter into a dark environment, it triggers the brain to produce more melatonin which causes us to feel a sense of drowsiness.

Artificial lighting inhibits the brain from producing the sleep causing melatonin and we remain awake longer. As a result, people didn’t seem to suffer and most adapted quite easily and went about their daily lives without missing that extra hour.

Our sleep pattern changed again in the 1950’s. The average amount of sleep dropped again. It fell to 7½ hours on average. The reason? Television had become common in most households. More and more people were staying up later to watch their favorite programs before retiring for the night.

As a result, people seemed to adjust fairly well to this drop in sleep also. Although some people felt a little tired during the day, they were easily able to make up the lack of rest during the weekend.

The 1980’s brought yet another change in the amount of sleep the average individual received. This time, the average amount of sleep dropped to 7 hours a night.

The culprit? 24 hour news television programming. Up until that time, television stations ended their transmitters around midnight and with nothing left to watch, people went to bed. Now, they could watch news and other programming 24 hours a day. There was no external cause to direct them to bed. Entertainment was now 24/7 and people responded.

It was in the mid 80’s when researches began to notice a new issue arising in American culture: fatigue caused by a lack of sleep. Sleep deprivation was now just beginning to work its way into society as a cultural phenomenon. People actually began to brag about their lack of sleep as a badge of honor for social status.

Still, getting 7 hours of sleep is still enough for most people to function well enough at home and work. If it wasn’t enough, they could just catch up on the weekends.

Then in 2009, our sleep habits changed one more time. Yet again it dropped, and this time, to the lowest average ever in human history. In 2001, the average amount of sleep the average American experienced was about 6.5 hours and many others were living with significantly less on a sustained basis.

Why? Researchers are not completely sure why except that it coincides perfectly with the rise of the Internet. As more and more people logged onto the Internet, the average amount of sleep continued to fall. This time to dangerous levels.

Getting less than 7 hours of sleep will begin to cause ramifications in your daily life. Most people will begin to have a tired feeling throughout the day if they get less than 7 hours. It can mildly impair cognitive functioning. When we feel mildly sleep deprived, we might have more difficulty making good decisions. We may find ourselves a little more irritable.

In fact, getting less than 6 hours of sleep can be linked to an increase in car accidents, short term memory loss, lack of focus and difficulty maintaining attention. It has even been linked to weight gain by suppressing the body’s ability to control appetite.

Getting less than 6 hours of sleep on a continuous basis can have serious ramifications for the average adult. It can begin to negatively affect the immune system and we find ourselves more susceptible to depression and physical injuries.

For most people, it is vitally important that they receive between 7 and 9 hours of sleep on average every night. This amount of sleep allows us to function at our peak during the day without feeling tired or distracted. It allows us greater access to our faculties and gives our bodies a chance to rest and heal. It is critical for both our physical and mental health. Getting enough sleep is essential for living a vital, active and healthy life.

For more information on getting enough sleep and to listen to free samples of Dr. Walton’s self-help hypnosis album for falling asleep at night, log onto www.TheDrWaltonSeries.com. You can also follow his tips of the day on Twitter@LAtherapist For more information on Dr. Walton, log onto LAtherapist.com.

"Ultimate Weight Loss" Named Best Album of the Year

This past weekend I attended the 2009 Just Plain Folks International Music Awards in Nashville, Tennessee. Over 1,400 people were in attendance. It was quite a spectacular and exciting event. JPF is the world’s largest independent music awards organization. They are the only awards organization to include self-help/meditation as a category.

Just Plain Folks is a community of over 51,500 Songwriters, Recording Artists, Music Publishers, Record Labels, Performing Arts Societies, Educational Institutions, Recording Studios and Engineers, Producers, Legal Professionals, Publicists and Journalists, Publications, Music Manufacturers and Retailers and about every other type of member of the Music Industry. These are the people who judged and voted on what they considered the best albums of the year.

My album, Dr. Walton’s Ultimate Weight Loss received the honor of “Best Self-help/Meditation Album of the Year.” It was quite exciting to be called up on stage. I have photos of the event on my fan page on Facebook. More photos will be posted as they become available.

I wanted to share with you the short acceptance speech I gave:

"I would like to thank Brian and JPF for making this amazing award possible. Thank you so much.

I’d also like to thank my friends and my family for traveling all the way to Nashville to be here with me tonight.

My album is on weight loss, however, it is not about judging the body you already have. It’s about loving that body in all its forms, heavy, skinny, and every other way just as it is right now.

It’s the only body you have and the only one you’ll ever have for the rest of your life. It will always be with you. Love it and respect it for what it is.

So, succeeding at weight loss is not as much about losing the weight you carry with you in your body as it is about feeling the lightness you can carry with you in your heart that makes all the difference in your life.

Thank you very much."

If you would like more information on Dr. James Walton, you can log onto his website at LAtherapist.com. If you would like more information on the international award-winning album “Ultimate Weight Loss,” you can log onto Ultimate Weight Loss. Press Release

3 Rules for Helping A Friend Who Is Overweight

Our bodies are the most intimate and personal object we possess. So, it comes as no great surprise that people can be very touchy about comments made about their bodies. Sometimes, we have a friend or loved one that we observe being very destructive to themselves with food and we want to help, but don’t know how.

Often, we don’t say anything to them because we’re afraid of offending them. Instead, we may opt for giving them hints or make covert comments with hidden messages. When those messages go unheeded, don’t be fooled into thinking that your loved one is oblivious to your comments. I can assure you that they are quite aware of what you’re saying and they probably find it very offensive.

Rule one: be straight forward. Tell them what you are observing in their behaviors without being judgmental. “How do you do that?” you ask. Do it without calling them crazy or telling them they are defective in some way.

Don’t tell them that they are wrong. When we make people wrong, they become defensive and then dig their heels in to prove that you’re wrong. They do this by making justifications for their condition and convince themselves that there is nothing they can do about their situation.

To overcome the temptation of being judgmental, emphasize the benefits they’ll gain from living a healthier lifestyle such as improvement in mood, better outlook on life, more energy, and higher self-esteem, as well as, all the physical/medical benefits of having a healthier body.

Rule two: Give them hope. Most of us stay stuck in a destructive behavior because we feel it’s hopeless. We have an image of ourselves imprinted in our minds that we respond to over and over. It is like a mental blueprint deep down in our unconscious mind of who we expect ourselves to be and our behaviors respond to that unconscious blueprint even if it goes counter to what we are consciously trying to achieve. This makes changing a behavior very, very difficult for us to do and it makes us feel very alone in our efforts at losing weight. One effective secret to losing weight is to get down into that subconscious mind and change that blueprint.

To help them counter this feeling of hopelessness, let them know that they are not alone. Let them know that many people today suffer from being overweight but something can be done and there are many people who have succeeded in losing weight down to a healthier level and they’re feeling much better about themselves. Also let them know that you would be willing to support them in their efforts. Then, ask them how you might be helpful for them in achieving their goal. Maybe, you’d be willing to exercise with them, or changing the nature of the meals you eat with them.

Rule three: Show interest in their entire life and not just in their losing weight. There is nothing more destructive to a person’s self-esteem than being judged strictly on their achievements at weight loss. That kind of judgment doesn’t support anybody in losing weight.

But when you do show interest in their weight loss, don’t count the pounds; count the effort. Support them by letting them know how impressed you are at the strides and efforts they are making at improving their health. Losing weight is not an easy thing for most people. By praising the effort, people are much less likely to judge themselves when they slip backwards. Rather, they have a greater tendency to learn from their mistakes and work towards improving their results. Praising the efforts and not criticizing the slips keeps their egos intact and allows them to learn from mistakes without becoming discouraged. For success, people need to feel respected and supported.

You may try applying all three rules with your loved one and still run into strong resistance. In any case, stop using innuendos, dropping hints or outright criticisms. They don’t work and will only serve to poison your relationship. Blaming them will only drive them away from doing anything at all about their weight in a bid to prove to you that they are fine just as they are.

What you can do is mention the options and benefits for losing weight from time to time. In a very measured way, and I can’t stress that point enough, you can pass along articles or ideas from time to time on body health and weight loss. If you do this too often, it will only lead to resentment and stronger resistance.

Express empathy for them by trying to view their experience through their eyes. This can be very helpful in reducing your desirer to blame them. If they desperately need to have a physical exam, it may be helpful to set the doctor’s appointment together.

However, if someone staunchly refuses to do anything about their weight, there is only so much you can do. You can only do what you can do. You then only have two choices: leave the relationship, or accept them completely for who they are without judgment. I recommend the latter.

For more information on weight loss and to listen to free samples of Dr. Walton’s hypnosis weight loss album, log onto “Ultimate Weight Loss.” You can also follow his tips of the day on Twitter at DrWeightLoss_ For more information on Dr. Walton, log onto LAtherapist.com. Press Release

Weight Loss - Loving Your Body Right Now

Losing weight is not about hating the body you have right now. It is about appreciating and loving that very body. Within its own physical limitations, this body has been a wonderful and loving servant of your will.

Your body is the point through which you experience all of your thoughts and feelings, all of your physical sensations and perceptions of the world around you. Your body is the point through which you experience the entire reality of your life. It is the one thing that you’ll always have with you from birth until the end of your life. It deserves your love no matter what condition it is in at this given time.

Your body is not your enemy; it is not working against you. The body does not act independently from your treatment of it. Your body only responds to the way you treat it. It reflects the care that you give it. If you feed it foods that cause it to gain weight, it will respond by gaining weight. If you exercise, it will become more efficient and toned. It is a loving servant of your will within its individual limitations.

Losing weight and becoming more fit can be done for no one else but for yourself. Those members of your family and friends who have been urging you to lose weight love you and have your best interest at heart, but their urging alone is not enough if you are to succeed. If you are not motivated on your own and are only bending to their demands, then you’ll only end up resenting those people who love you and sabotaging your efforts at losing weight.

To succeed at losing weigh, you must realize that you are the one in control of your decisions and life. Losing weight is a process rather than an event. As with all processes, the movement forward is built upon a foundation of successes and setbacks. Our setbacks can be as valuable as our successes and are opportunities for learning more about ourselves and our desires. Learning from our setbacks allows us to move closer to the success we desire.

It takes determination to lose weight. Unhealthy eating habits and lifestyles are not easy to overcome. It is both a physical and emotional sacrifice you must make when it comes to achieving your desired weight goals. The result of a sacrifice is to make something sacred. When you change your eating habits and adopt a healthy exercise program, you perform a sacrifice that symbolizes to yourself, and those around you, that your health and quality of life are sacred to you.

In some Native American tribes, it was called upon young members to make a sacrifice to achieve recognition of adulthood. Often, that sacrifice involved a ritual of scaring the body. The sacrifice you may endure on your journey to achieving your desired weight can be as meaningful to your psyche as any scar left upon the body and deserves to be honored and respected.

A scar represents pain and injury; it also represents a capacity to heal and grow beyond what has been. Scar material is always stronger than what existed before.

You may have begun over eating as a response to medicating yourself from a painful emotional experience. Food became a way of pacifying bad feelings. Eating is a comforting and soothing experience that takes us back to younger days when we were children and a loving parent soothed our feelings with food.

By choosing to lose weight, you have chosen a sacrifice that symbolically moves you beyond the immaturity of your youth. It may be viewed as a rite of passage into adulthood.

For a sacrifice to have meaning, it must be a personal choice made by you alone. True sacrifice is not an imprisonment, but rather, it is the ultimate expression of your free will and that is to be honored and revered.

For more information on losing weight, and to listen to free samples of Dr. Walton’s latest album, log onto “Dr. Walton's Ultimate Weight Loss.” For more information on Dr. Walton, log onto LAtherapist.com. Press Release

Stopping Smoking for Good

Stopping smoking is a life decision that can have a profound effect on your health and experience in living. Stopping smoking can be done for no one else but for yourself. Those members of your family and friends who have been urging you to stop smoking love you and have your best interest at heart, but their urging alone is not enough if you are to succeed. If you are not motivated on your own and are only bending to their demands, then you will only end up resenting those people who love you and sabotaging your efforts at stopping smoking.

To succeed at stopping smoking, you must realize that you are the one in control of your decisions and life. More often than not, stopping smoking is a process rather than an event. As with all processes, the movement forward is built upon a foundation of successes and setbacks. The setbacks can be as valuable as the successes and are opportunities for learning more about yourself and your desires. Learning from your setbacks allows you to move closer to the success you desire.

It takes determination to stop smoking. An addiction is not easy to overcome. It is both a physical and emotional sacrifice you are making. The result of a sacrifice is to make something sacred. When you stop smoking, you perform a sacrifice that symbolizes to yourself and those around that your health and quality of life are sacred to you.

In some Native American tribes, it was called upon for young men and women to make a sacrifice to achieve recognition of adulthood. Often, that sacrifice involved a ritual of scaring the body. The emotional pain you may have endured on your journey to being a non-smoker can be as scaring to your psyche as any left upon the body and deserves to be honored and respected.

A scar represents pain and injury; it also represents a capacity to heal and grow beyond what has been. Scar material is always stronger than what existed before.

You probably began smoking as a teenager or young adult. By quitting smoking at this time, you have chosen a sacrifice that symbolically moves you beyond the immaturity of your youth. It may be viewed as a rite of passage into adulthood. That is to be honored.

For a sacrifice to have meaning it must be a personal choice made in the aloneness of your being. If stopping smoking is someone else’s decision, then you have not freely chosen it for yourself. As a result, you will have no resolve and the quitting experience will have no personal meaning for you leading you to a possible failure. True sacrifice is not an imprisonment, but rather, it is the ultimate expression of your free will to be honored and revered. And remember, not smoking is a habit too.

Log on for more information on stopping smoking for good and for listening to a free sample of his award-winning album “Dr. Walton’s Stopping Smoking.” For more information on Dr. Walton's private stop smoking sessions, log onto Stopping Smoking for Good. For more information on Dr. Walton, log onto LAtherapist.com.

Recovering from a Break Up

Men pride themselves on feeling powerful, competent and effective in their world. They receive a sense of fulfillment in feeling successful and doing well. Men take great pride in being independent and self-sufficient.

Then, they fall in love. They allow themselves to be vulnerable to another, they get close and sometimes they end up getting hurt and their hearts get broken.

Surprisingly, men generally are the first to fall in love and the last to fall out of it. Men have more difficulty handling their emotions than women. Simply because men have been trained to be more independent so they have developed fewer skills at handling their emotions. They become emotionally overwhelmed more easily and demonstrate it by shutting off emotionally and withdrawing, going into denial or becoming workaholics. All of this is a bid to cut themselves off from those overwhelming feelings of hurt and pain.

In the process, those feelings lie dormant and are actually never healed. When we don’t heal those feelings, we don’t allow ourselves to fall in love again and we miss out on one of the most rewarding, healing and satisfying experiences in our lives that of falling in love again.

The secret that women use for handling their feelings, that men generally don’t, is that women are able to think and feel at the same time. Men, on the other hand, are either in thinking mode or feeling mode. When men are in pain from a break up, they go right into feeling mode and become overwhelmed by those feelings resulting in shut down, paralysis, withdraw or angry bitterness. Men cannot make good decisions for themselves or anyone else under those conditions.

That we fall in love we will inevitably experience having our hearts broken. However, the pain we experience from the loss of a love can have meaning for us and actually enrich our experience in life. Out of the pain of loss, we can observe the true depth of our ability to love another. Without loss, we may never really know the depth of our ability to love.

Suffering is communication from the depths of our soul. Without it, our soul is dead; for suffering deepens and expands our experience in life and we are changed as we give meaning to the experience.

If you have recently gone through a break up, acknowledge that you are going through a crisis and become more compassionate and gentle with yourself. Remove any blame you may be putting on yourself for anything you may or may not have done or for trusting another or having been vulnerable. It’s important to know that we are able to trust and experience vulnerability. Those are important parts of being in a relationship.

Talk about your hurt with people who are willing to listen. You might even want to seek out a licensed therapist to help you through this time.

It’s important to let yourself know that you can and will make it through this time.

Stick to your daily routines. Continue to eat, sleep and exercise at the same times you always have. Meditation can be an excellent way to relax the mind and heal the heart.  If you don’t exercise, now could be a good time to start. Always consult with your doctor first before starting any exercise routine. Exercise causes our bodies to release endorphins that serve to help us feel better.

Don’t seek revenge. It’s OK to fantasize about it, but it’s not OK to act it out. Angry behavior only leads to amping up the drive to act out more angry behavior. Don’t do it.

Don’t follow, spy on, or call the other person. This can keep you attached in a very unhealthy way and makes it much more difficult to let go of your hurt and angry feelings. Resist the urge to try to make them understand your hurt feelings or try to get them to see your point of view. This will only lead to more frustration and feelings of betrayal. Of course, don’t harm yourself. Doing so never gets them to come back.

Throw yourself into an activity or project that you love doing. As men, we’re doers. While we’re doing the activity we love we’re also processing our painful feelings and this can contribute greatly to our healing of those feelings.

Keep in mind that relationships are about growth, they’re not about happiness.

We, ourselves, are responsible for our own happiness. It’s our thoughts and how we choose to interpret them that affect how we feel about ourselves and the world around us. What we think affects how we feel.

When our heart’s broken by someone, we may feel that we’ll never love again. We may feel we were foolish in having trusted that individual. We may have felt that they were the “right” one for us and there will never be another. None of those thoughts is true. There’s not just one person out there for us; there are many right people out there for us. If someone is ultimately not with us, then they were definitely not the right person.

The only thing true about that relationship experience is that you probably learned something about yourself. Search yourself to find out how you’re different now from having known the other person. Have you changed what you want out of a relationship?

It’s our thoughts that determine our happiness, not the person we are with. When we experience a break up, we have a tendency to let go of the bad times and hold onto the good memories. This doesn’t serve us, especially when our heart’s broken and we’re in pain over the loss of the relationship. It may be a good idea to remember the bad times. Keep in mind the difficulties of this relationship and how your needs weren’t met.

For more information on healing from a break up, and to listen to free samples of Dr. Walton’s latest album, log onto “After Breaking Up: Healing the Heart and Finding Happiness.” For more information on Dr. Walton, log onto LAtherapist.com. Watch the Video on "Healing from A Break Up."

The Bachelor Party - A Survival Guide

Aah the bachelor party. Two rather potent words in their own right, but when use in combination they can strike debilitating terror into the heart in the bride to be, or at the very least really annoy her.

Traditionally, in our society, it is the bachelor party and not the bachelorette party that strikes a note of discord at the heart of even the most harmonious of engagements. We can generate for ourselves so much discomfort and distress over the bachelor party that it casts a shadow over the entire wedding experience for the wife to be. However, her discord with the bachelor party is not so much the fear that her fiancé is going to have sex with someone else during the event, but rather, she feels let down that he would even want to go.

Friends can also contribute the build up of her anxiety around the party by playing up to its mythical naughtiness right in front of her. The greatest fear for women over the bachelor party comes from her fearing what his friends might have in mind for the event. The friends know this and will often play it to the hilt to get a rise out of her. Why?

Well friends, and especially single friends, are feeling some anxiety about the impending change to their relationship with your fiancé. They may not be able to identify it or put it into words, but it’s there. It’s called abandonment. Somewhere deep inside, his friends may be experiencing a sense of abandonment as he moves away from them and towards involvement in a marriage. So, they distract themselves from their own bad feelings by doing a little teasing of someone else, that being you.

A little good natured teasing around the bachelor party, in very small measure, from his friends can be expected. If you experience it, then know that his friends are experiencing some anxiousness about the impending change in their relationship with your fiancé. Their teasing around the bachelor party is an unconscious attempt to get rid of their own uncomfortable abandonment feelings, while giving some of them to you.

If they are doing it to you, then they are most likely doing it to your fiancé as well. Their allusions in front of him about the bachelor party can cause him anxiety as well. And they will tease him to unload their anxieties for the very same reasons.

Good natured taunting about the bachelor party is not intended to injure, but rather it is a way of expressing their unease without having to admit to it. After all, your friends are supposed to be happy for you when you get engaged, right? And most friends are truly happy for you, but it is also possible that way down deep inside they might be experiencing a tinge of jealousy that they don’t understand or can’t express.

So, the bachelor party and its planning becomes the safest vehicle for friends to discharge their anxieties around their feelings of abandonment while helping to reaffirm friendship bonds. It even allows those who were not chosen to be the best man to have a place in the wedding experience that is culturally accepted.

I want you to know that your feelings and fears around the bachelor party are legitimate and may need to be verbalized. If you are having difficulty over the party, let him know how you feel. If there are certain activities you find unacceptable, tell him so. Remember, the shroud of secretiveness around the party is an attempt to cause him some anxiety as well. He may actually feel the same way you do and would welcome your alliance.

Most engaged men do not relish the idea of a raucous bachelor party, however, they don’t want to look like wimp in front of their friends so they will go along with it. Bare in mind that some of the party is still out of his control. What he can control is the amount of alcohol he consumes. Men, limit your drinking. By limiting your drinking you can still enjoy the party while helping to build trust with your fiancé.

Trust is a biggest issue at stake around the bachelor party. If you feel you can’t trust your fiancé at the bachelor party, there may be seriously destructive issues underlying your relationship. If this is the case, you may want to explore these issues together with a licensed therapist before the wedding.

Many men view the bachelor party as a rite of passage among their friends. We live in a society with few remaining rites of passage, so trying to force your fiancé to refuse a bachelor party may very well cause him to feel resentment towards you. Remember, your fiancé has already pledged a commitment to you for building a life together. As silly as the party might seem to you, for him it may hold some meaning. If you decide to give your approval for his party, let go of it and do not punish him later for having attended it.

By all means, men should tell their fiancés about the plans being made for their bachelor party if they are going to have one. Be open. It’s the secretiveness that gets people into trouble. Friends like to tease the fiancé by whispering in front of her to get a reaction. Be the first to let her know about the party and talk out your feelings with each other. You can use this as an opportunity for improving the trust between the two of you.

This brings us to the point of having one last round before marriage. Most couples who have made a commitment to marry never feel that urge. They want to be married to their fiancé and have no interest in anyone else. For these people, the decision for monogamy was made back before the couple decided to get married.

Now, there are a few individuals and they tend to be men, but not always, who do desire to have one last fling before their marriage. In most cases, this desire is a symptom of panicking around a decision that will affect the rest of their life. It comes from the place that questions whether or not they are making the right decision. If you are really that frightened of marriage or are really not that sure, it’s perfectly fine to delay the wedding until a time when you are feeling more comfortable. Just knowing that the wedding can be delayed is enough for many of these panicking individuals to clear their heads to see that they are marring the right person.

However, if you are feeling compelled to have one last fling, you may have to take a look inside and honestly evaluate if you are really ready to make that commitment. Maybe this person is not the right one for you. It’s OK to not be ready and it’s better to know it before you get married.

For information on the history of marriage log onto Dr. Walton on YouTube. For more information log onto LAtherapist.com or for more information on convenient self-help downloads, or to listen to free samples, log onto the "Dr Walton Series".