Thursday, November 12, 2009

Wedding Night Sex and Beyond

There is a growing trend in America for couples to separate the night before the wedding. Your decision to do that is up to you and the requirements of your religious beliefs. However, a wedding is a rite of passage and most rites of passage call for an experience of separateness for the initiate. That separation can be utilized as a gift allowing us to honor our singleness that one last time before we let go of it forever.

In my opinion, the release of our singleness needs to be honored. It adds to the magic of the ceremony to be apart the night before. You go to bed alone the night before the wedding and mark the end of your existence as single. The next day on your wedding, you see beloved at the alter for the first time marking the beginning of your new life as a couple. That is to be honored.

There are some couples who put off sex until the wedding night. Those circumstances can really put the pressure on. If this is your situation and you find yourself exhausted on your wedding night, put sex off and structure a time of relaxation and rest instead. Wait until you have the time and are not rushed to catch a plane or even worse, staying in someone else’s house and feeling self conscious. Structure a time when you are able to be alone, relaxed and calm for the exploration of each other’s bodies. Take time with each other and above all else, lower you expectations.

Often, engaged couples do not look beyond the wedding day. The excitement of planning the event is overwhelming. There are so many things to plan and prepare for that all their energy is focused on one point: the wedding. The last thing that people expect to feel after their wedding is depression. Well, the post-wedding blues are not uncommon. Both men and women experience this phenomenon. It is much like the letdown we feel the day after a major holiday such as Thanksgiving or Christmas.

As a couple, you are moving at full steam ahead toward the wedding and after it is accomplished, you will probably experience a momentary pause. The glamor of the experience is now gone and you might feel a sense of disappointment. This is completely natural. You have both gone through a rite of passage where something was lost, your singleness, and something was born, you identity as a couple.

For more information on Dr. Walton’s self-help for weddings, log onto To watch Dr. Walton’s video on the History of Marriage log onto For more information on Dr. Walton, and to obtain free audio affirmations log onto his website at

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