Tuesday, August 30, 2011

7 Steps to Quickly Assess for A New Friend or Mate

In this fast paced world, we don’t always have the luxury of time when it comes to deciding whether or not we want to invest into getting to know someone.  All too often, we meet people at work or at gatherings for brief periods and may be missing real opportunities for a good friend or love relationship because we didn’t dig a little deeper.  We can all use some help when it comes to making a decision on whether or not we should look more closely at the possibility of a relationship.  Here are seven time saving steps to look into when meeting a new potential friend or mate.     
      1.  Can you talk easily with this person about a variety of topics?  Introverts have more difficulty with this task so they might be forgiven for this.  
     2.  Does this individual ask you questions about yourself and show interest in your responses?  This shows interest in you as a person and bodes well for future encounters.  
     3.  Does this person have an aspiration that he/she is actively pursuing?  Just talking about a goal does not count here.  They must be making some kind of progress on achieving what they desire.  Are there any signs that their actions or abilities are in conflict with actually achieving the stated goal?  
     4.  What are his/her first thoughts when they wake up in the morning? People will often think about those things that are important to them when they are waking up.  But, the mood they awaken with is an indication of their temperament.    
     5.  Will this person help a stranger?  This indicates their sense if civic duty, as well as, their ability to respond empathically with others.  Without empathy, they are never going to connect with you in a meaningful way.  Now, a narcissist might help out a stranger as well, but only if it bolsters his public image.  You can suss out a narcissist through questions 2 and 6 if they slip through this question.  
     6.  Can she/he discuss an embarrassing moment with you?  If not, then they are not willing to be vulnerable and are more interested in creating an image for your consumption rather than being a real human being with you.  They may actually expect the same from you too.    
     7.  Are they genuinely happy for a friend who is successful? This is important because envious and negative people have a difficult time doing this.  They view another's good fortune as it relates to themselves, against which they do or don’t measure up. These are the kind of people who have the potential to sabotage another in defense of their own inferiority feelings.                                                                                                                    For more information on Dr. Jim log onto his website at www.LAtherapist.com.  For free listens and self-help audios log onto www.TheDrWaltonSeries.com.

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