Thursday, August 13, 2009

3 Rules for Helping A Friend Who Is Overweight

Our bodies are the most intimate and personal object we possess. So, it comes as no great surprise that people can be very touchy about comments made about their bodies. Sometimes, we have a friend or loved one that we observe being very destructive to themselves with food and we want to help, but don’t know how.

Often, we don’t say anything to them because we’re afraid of offending them. Instead, we may opt for giving them hints or make covert comments with hidden messages. When those messages go unheeded, don’t be fooled into thinking that your loved one is oblivious to your comments. I can assure you that they are quite aware of what you’re saying and they probably find it very offensive.

Rule one: be straight forward. Tell them what you are observing in their behaviors without being judgmental. “How do you do that?” you ask. Do it without calling them crazy or telling them they are defective in some way.

Don’t tell them that they are wrong. When we make people wrong, they become defensive and then dig their heels in to prove that you’re wrong. They do this by making justifications for their condition and convince themselves that there is nothing they can do about their situation.

To overcome the temptation of being judgmental, emphasize the benefits they’ll gain from living a healthier lifestyle such as improvement in mood, better outlook on life, more energy, and higher self-esteem, as well as, all the physical/medical benefits of having a healthier body.

Rule two: Give them hope. Most of us stay stuck in a destructive behavior because we feel it’s hopeless. We have an image of ourselves imprinted in our minds that we respond to over and over. It is like a mental blueprint deep down in our unconscious mind of who we expect ourselves to be and our behaviors respond to that unconscious blueprint even if it goes counter to what we are consciously trying to achieve. This makes changing a behavior very, very difficult for us to do and it makes us feel very alone in our efforts at losing weight. One effective secret to losing weight is to get down into that subconscious mind and change that blueprint.

To help them counter this feeling of hopelessness, let them know that they are not alone. Let them know that many people today suffer from being overweight but something can be done and there are many people who have succeeded in losing weight down to a healthier level and they’re feeling much better about themselves. Also let them know that you would be willing to support them in their efforts. Then, ask them how you might be helpful for them in achieving their goal. Maybe, you’d be willing to exercise with them, or changing the nature of the meals you eat with them.

Rule three: Show interest in their entire life and not just in their losing weight. There is nothing more destructive to a person’s self-esteem than being judged strictly on their achievements at weight loss. That kind of judgment doesn’t support anybody in losing weight.

But when you do show interest in their weight loss, don’t count the pounds; count the effort. Support them by letting them know how impressed you are at the strides and efforts they are making at improving their health. Losing weight is not an easy thing for most people. By praising the effort, people are much less likely to judge themselves when they slip backwards. Rather, they have a greater tendency to learn from their mistakes and work towards improving their results. Praising the efforts and not criticizing the slips keeps their egos intact and allows them to learn from mistakes without becoming discouraged. For success, people need to feel respected and supported.

You may try applying all three rules with your loved one and still run into strong resistance. In any case, stop using innuendos, dropping hints or outright criticisms. They don’t work and will only serve to poison your relationship. Blaming them will only drive them away from doing anything at all about their weight in a bid to prove to you that they are fine just as they are.

What you can do is mention the options and benefits for losing weight from time to time. In a very measured way, and I can’t stress that point enough, you can pass along articles or ideas from time to time on body health and weight loss. If you do this too often, it will only lead to resentment and stronger resistance.

Express empathy for them by trying to view their experience through their eyes. This can be very helpful in reducing your desirer to blame them. If they desperately need to have a physical exam, it may be helpful to set the doctor’s appointment together.

However, if someone staunchly refuses to do anything about their weight, there is only so much you can do. You can only do what you can do. You then only have two choices: leave the relationship, or accept them completely for who they are without judgment. I recommend the latter.

For more information on weight loss and to listen to free samples of Dr. Walton’s hypnosis weight loss album, log onto “Ultimate Weight Loss.” You can also follow his tips of the day on Twitter at DrWeightLoss_ For more information on Dr. Walton, log onto Press Release

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Weight Loss - Loving Your Body Right Now

Losing weight is not about hating the body you have right now. It is about appreciating and loving that very body. Within its own physical limitations, this body has been a wonderful and loving servant of your will.

Your body is the point through which you experience all of your thoughts and feelings, all of your physical sensations and perceptions of the world around you. Your body is the point through which you experience the entire reality of your life. It is the one thing that you’ll always have with you from birth until the end of your life. It deserves your love no matter what condition it is in at this given time.

Your body is not your enemy; it is not working against you. The body does not act independently from your treatment of it. Your body only responds to the way you treat it. It reflects the care that you give it. If you feed it foods that cause it to gain weight, it will respond by gaining weight. If you exercise, it will become more efficient and toned. It is a loving servant of your will within its individual limitations.

Losing weight and becoming more fit can be done for no one else but for yourself. Those members of your family and friends who have been urging you to lose weight love you and have your best interest at heart, but their urging alone is not enough if you are to succeed. If you are not motivated on your own and are only bending to their demands, then you’ll only end up resenting those people who love you and sabotaging your efforts at losing weight.

To succeed at losing weigh, you must realize that you are the one in control of your decisions and life. Losing weight is a process rather than an event. As with all processes, the movement forward is built upon a foundation of successes and setbacks. Our setbacks can be as valuable as our successes and are opportunities for learning more about ourselves and our desires. Learning from our setbacks allows us to move closer to the success we desire.

It takes determination to lose weight. Unhealthy eating habits and lifestyles are not easy to overcome. It is both a physical and emotional sacrifice you must make when it comes to achieving your desired weight goals. The result of a sacrifice is to make something sacred. When you change your eating habits and adopt a healthy exercise program, you perform a sacrifice that symbolizes to yourself, and those around you, that your health and quality of life are sacred to you.

In some Native American tribes, it was called upon young members to make a sacrifice to achieve recognition of adulthood. Often, that sacrifice involved a ritual of scaring the body. The sacrifice you may endure on your journey to achieving your desired weight can be as meaningful to your psyche as any scar left upon the body and deserves to be honored and respected.

A scar represents pain and injury; it also represents a capacity to heal and grow beyond what has been. Scar material is always stronger than what existed before.

You may have begun over eating as a response to medicating yourself from a painful emotional experience. Food became a way of pacifying bad feelings. Eating is a comforting and soothing experience that takes us back to younger days when we were children and a loving parent soothed our feelings with food.

By choosing to lose weight, you have chosen a sacrifice that symbolically moves you beyond the immaturity of your youth. It may be viewed as a rite of passage into adulthood.

For a sacrifice to have meaning, it must be a personal choice made by you alone. True sacrifice is not an imprisonment, but rather, it is the ultimate expression of your free will and that is to be honored and revered.

For more information on losing weight, and to listen to free samples of Dr. Walton’s latest album, log onto “Dr. Walton's Ultimate Weight Loss.” For more information on Dr. Walton, log onto Press Release