CREATIVITY AND THE CREATION OF POETRY

In the summer of 1998, my best friend of nine years was diagnosed with a terminal illness.  A pain of rarely equaled intensity shot through my soul upon hearing the news.  I was left feeling helpless to what the fates had decided.  I am including, at the end of this blog, an example of two poems that came from this experience.  The first poem was composed and completed within weeks of the diagnosis.  The second was begun six months after his death in the summer of 1999 and was completed in its final form during the spring of 2004. 
           
I was the last person, with the exception of his nurse, to see him alive.  He died within hours of my leaving his side.  Those last few hours we spent together in silence while I held him.  As I turned to leave, for the first time in our long relationship he mouthed the words "I love you."  We both recognized that this would be the last precious moments we would spend together on this physical plane. 
           
I was left with a haunting and indescribable feeling that would stay with me until the birth of the second poem, which began from a dream I had.  I have not judged these works as good or bad.  They were called from within me to be expressed; they would not let go until they were written down. 
           
When they were completed, I was able to say good-bye to my friend.  Both poems hold for me a mixture of relief and sadness.  I continue to hold onto, and tolerate, the duality of the feelings.
           
The conception of my poems usually germinates through a personal experience.  Often, it is an emotionally difficult experience that inspires me to examine my feelings more closely.  As Von Franz stated, "There must be some disruption to make us aware of what we are swimming in."  For me, the first disruption is a painfully jarring experience.  It first settles into my soul as a feeling and emerges transformed as a written story or poem.  Writing has been for me a medium through which I am able to express a calling from my soul.  Poetry comes from the soul moving to know itself.

The journey of my poetic experience begins through my emotions as I am taken down into the depths of my feelings and prepare for the journey.  The emotions grab hold of me and refuse to let go.  They then begin to make their presence felt in my daydreams and occasionally in my dreams at night.  Through these dreams, a space is created for the experience where none had existed before.  In the recesses of my mind, the expression of the experience becomes a subtle obsession.  It asks for expression.

In the request, I descend with the experience and the associated emotions.  There is always a period of time where I feel confused as to how to respond to this calling.  It is a time when the experience disturbs me.  I also note an internal struggle as to whether or not to give the experience voice.  Self-criticism can often step in the way and suggest to me that I am too small for the task at hand.  This is a time when I might let go of the idea of giving voice to the experience.  I would let it go if it were not for the persistent calling some experiences make to me through my thoughts and dreams.

I am taken deeper through my feelings and encounter the sense of this being "my work" rather than that of the voice of an experience calling from within me asking for it's expression. My ego wants to be the author of the work.  It seems to wrestle with the actual voice of the work.  The ego wants to put its mark on the work and exalt myself as a genius.  The wrestling between the actual voice of the work and my ego can last for lengthy periods of time.  There are some stories and poems I have had to leave and return to over a period of years to hear the actual voice of the work more clearly.

When the ego takes over, I lose sight of the work.  The writing begins to sound stilted.  The ego becomes obsessed with correct expression, grammar, punctuation and approval.  It also becomes obsessed with the necessity of the reader to understand the story with all of its metaphors as the ego wishes them to be understood.  The ego takes away the space for allowing the work to speak for itself.  This is done out of the ego's fear that if the work were to actually speak, it would sound foolish and would not be understood. 

My ego wants to be in control and receive the credit.  In a sense, the ego wants to define the creativity. For if we define creativity, we limit it.  By defining creativity, we place the ego's judgment upon it and thus restrict creativity by defeating its liberating effects.

Being judged is my ego's strongest fear.  It wants to be appreciated and loved by everyone.  There are many times that I stop a creative work because my ego is afraid of being judged.  It wants the work to be completely accepted by all.  It wants to bask in the glory of its brilliance.  It is a time when I have forgotten who is doing the speaking.  I am listening to the ego and not as closely to the work itself, which has its own need for expression.  In the last several years, I have become better at allowing the work to speak more clearly while relaxing my attention on the ego. 

There are also times when in the middle of a creative process, I become very sleepy.  These are times when I am locked in battle with the ego.  It is a time when I consciously turn my attention from the ego and allow myself to dream briefly.  Somewhere in the depths of my subconscious, I am able to hear the voice of the work.  It is heard through the voice of inspiration.  The words for the writing then begin to flow more freely through my mind and onto the creative medium.

This awakening from the dream with a sense of direction and inspiration may be expressed as the "Aesthetic Moment."  By the end of a series of short naps and daydreams, I emerge with a different relationship to the work.  The relationship has changed because the ego has settled and has let go of most of the control.  I do, however, have to remain vigilant of the ego's desire to return to control over the work.  It is a time in the creation process when the work has overcome the narcissism of the ego and is free to speak with its own voice.  The work has finally differentiated from the ego. 

For allowing the differentiation to take place, I am rewarded with the gift of the work.  I must accept the death of the tenacious ego and submit to the creative process of the work without trying to run it.  What was once considered by the ego as worthless drivel spoken by the work has now become meaningful.  When the ego has differentiated enough from the work, the necessary hard work of putting the voice to paper begins.  This is the moment of poesis, the actual creation of the work. 

Through this process, the work now takes on its own life and it is time for me to let it go.  It is at this point, I begin to express the voice of the work through writing.  In a flurry of activity, I begin to write down the ideas as though they are flowing from my head and through my hands automatically without thought.  I then find myself doing major revisions of what I began writing earlier.  It is a process that can take a matter of hours, weeks or years to complete.

During the period of the birth of the work, I am transformed as well.  The work has led me through spaces of my unconscious that I was not aware of.  The experience itself allows me to observe my ego’s struggle for control.  In the process, I view how my ego gets in the way of my creativity.  I become aware of the ways in which I am distracted from the work and gain insight into my resistance to completing it.

During the writing of the work, I am amazed at the depth of emotion it takes me to.  Emotions that have long been held in silence, deep from within, are given voice for the first time.  With my ego's silence, I become aware of their existence with in me.  Through my awareness of their existence, and through their expression, I am transformed.

There was a time when I was resistant about returning to a work out of fear that I was contaminating it with my ego through re-working it.  An internal conflict would take place.  I would question myself as to whether the changes I wanted to make coming from my ego or from the work itself?  I would question myself as to why I was changing the work.  Often, the answer was that there was more information or enhancement that needed to take place before the work was completed.  I often find that when I return to a work it is to enlarge and enhance it.

The anima (Jung's holding and nurturing part of the self), present in my creative process, allows me to hold the work through a period of gestation.  It quiets the goal oriented and driven to control animus (Jung’s driven part of the self) to allow the internal voices of wisdom to speak.  In the process, I gain a greater respect and trust for the ways of the anima.  I gain a greater trust in the moments of silence.  For through the silence and the holding of the work, its voice can be heard and its wisdom understood. 

Upon the completion of a work, I feel a greater connection with and understanding of the world.  It is an understanding of acceptance for the way creation unfolds rather than the drive to conquer and control creative works.  It is a moment of reflection in the process of life. 

During my creative work, I am in transference with the topic. It pulls at my soul and often can bring with it an unwelcome depth of emotional experience that would be far easier for me to ignore than experience. 
            
When I allow myself to step back from the work, I can hear the voice of the work more strongly.  When I re-read the work, I frequently notice nuances and connotations that were never consciously intended; yet they expand the meaning of the work. 

By beginning a work, I am stepping outside of myself and attempting to put on paper the expression of the work.  I am limited by language, intelligence and my own willingness to let go of the work and allowing it to speak.  However, in the creative process there are times I find my ego stepping aside to allow the work to speak.  During those times, the words seem to flow from my hands on to the paper without a thought.  When I allow this to happen, there are many times I am surprised by what has come out. 

By allowing the creative process to flow from me I am able to see depth in a work upon its completion that I was consciously unaware of at the time of the writing.  It allows me to view the internal voice that was calling out to speak.

It is in this "first" reading as a completed work that I am most surprised by what has come out.  This is also a time when the work approaches me again to clarify itself and inspire some changes.  The initial completion of the work allows me to put it aside.  By doing so, I become less invested in the work.  I am also allowed for the first time to understand the completed work as a whole. It now gives the work a presence in my life that seems apart from me.  The initial completion of the work allows me to physically experience its separateness.  It has now been given birth to on paper and is no longer what appeared to be a possession within my head. 

If I can recognize the work as coming from outside of myself, my ego can let go of the work as a possession of its own and learn form it.  The ego can do this if it has let go of the harsh judgment and investment in pride it would have in a work considered its own.  By viewing the work as coming from outside of itself, it does not have the investment and therefore can be open to whatever message the work itself holds.

The experience of my friend's death held a tremendous amount of personal information for me if I were only able to listen to it.  Through the creative process of writing, I was able to access some of those feelings.  The writing also seemed to help ease the pain of loss I was suffering because of his death.  It allowed me to immortalize a thought of him.  This thought was brought into the physical world and given embodiment through the poem.  It is as though if I could not be with him in the physical, I could be with his poem, which has been made physical.

The second poem was initiated by a brief nap I took on a plane back East to visit my family.  My friend had died about 6 months before.  In the dream, my friend was standing on a beach and seemed to motion to me.  I woke up immediately with the original thoughts of the poem in my head.  I hurriedly wrote them down on a piece of scrap paper and when I returned to the comfort of my home in California, I began to work with the poem. 

In the process, many of my own fears of loss and death began to surface.  I began to reflect back on other losses I had experienced in my life.  Their energy went into the poem as well.  I was experiencing transference with the poems.  I would note to myself the different emotional responses I would have each time I would work with them.  At times, they would fill me with sadness, other times I would experience anger and yet at others I would experience a sense of peace. 


THE SILENCE

The wind may not be held in our hands, or stored in a box,
to do so, it would no longer be the wind,
nor may we hold onto or confine the love of another. 
Like the wind, its beauty comes from passing over us
allowing us to feel,
to feel its freedom
and yet, it can never die,
for in its silence, it is always around us 
to stir again at a moment's notice.


THE WITNESS

My friend it is evening.
Come sit beside me
to watch the shadows cast long, reaching toward the ocean's edge.

Stay with me,
in the cooling air
that once fired the burning sands upon which we danced.

Listen with me,
as the sounds of day fade
into the timeless waves that wash upon the shore.

And be still,
as I close my eyes
to linger with the stars;
their soothing light now calls upon my soul.

Dr. James E. Walton, respected Marriage & Family Therapist, TV and

Giving and Receiving: The Sacred Dance of Life

When we are feeling angry with our partner, the fastest way to release that anger and regain a loving attitude towards them is to do a simple act of giving.  Just by doing something nice for them, we focus our attention off of the obsessive quality of our anger and refocus into the loving feelings we have for them.  The act itself is a release that allows us to feel a greater sense of purpose in our chosen relationship.

Giving in general, such as simply opening a door for someone, allows us to regain a sense of missing personal empowerment.  We may not be able to completely control our environment, and we certainly cannot control another’s actions, but we can control whether or not we do something nice for another person.  And in doing so, we reconnect with that sense of personal power that has been eluding us.

No matter what spiritual beliefs you may hold; giving, and its inseparable partner receiving, were the first acts of creation in of our world.  It was the original experience.  And for a moment, it was the only experience.  From that simple act, all of life sprang forth.  Whether you believe it was God or some other cosmic force, we were the receivers of the gift of life.  As a result, it is the most basic and purist experience that reflects back upon our very beginning of existence.  Through it, we can honor and expand its meaning and presence in our lives.  It’s quite a powerful little tool we carry in our psychological back pocket. 

Depression - When individuals are depressed, they are focused inward on themselves.  They can become lost focusing internally on themselves.  Sometimes, we aren’t able to see alternative solutions because we have limited ourselves to running over and over an internal and unchanging landscape that offers no way out.  There is nothing in there to offer a different perspective.  It becomes self-reinforcing and we spiral further and further into our sense of despair and loneliness. 

Giving to another, then, becomes an effective and powerful way of bringing ourselves out of depression’s grasp.  In depression, we are fooled into thinking that we are alone.  The simple act of giving breaks us out of that framework and challenges the misguided perception that we are alone.  In the very act of giving, we are challenged to acknowledge that we are not alone.  That in and of itself gets us out of the way we had been thinking.  We start looking outside of ourselves.  Giving challenges us to acknowledge we are not alone.  That realization becomes the first step in the recovery and healing of depression.

Simply volunteering somewhere will allow you to tap into the power of giving.  And as you do, do not neglect your very important role as the receiver.  This kind of healing requires both giving and receiving.  Allow yourself to accept and fully enjoy the good feelings that come from giving and receiving.  For, if one only gives without receiving, it can be a way of feeling control over another or a way of defending the self from the good feelings that are generated from the other’s act of giving.

Sacrifice - It is the ultimate form of giving.  It literally means to make sacred.  That for which we sacrifice is made sacred.  Sacrifice, through out time, has been our way of interaction with the spiritual.  

The sacrifice of a mother for a child is the highest and most revered form of giving in our existence.  It touches the divine.  In the moment of that giving, you can ask any mother who has done so, the gift they receive in the moment of their sacrifice is an overwhelming sense of purpose in their life.  Within the suffering of their sacrifice, there is contained an indescribable joy and a moment where they experience and understand the depth and power of the love that they carry within themselves.   

Giving and receiving are inextricably joined together.  So by giving, we feel a greater connection to our world and in the process, it gives us the opportunity to find greater meaning in life.

There is quite a bit of research on the connection between giving and health.  People who have pets have been shown to live longer and live healthier lives than those who live alone.  Owning a pet requires us to be a caregiver of another life form.  As a caregiver, we are willingly taking on the role of giving.  People can say that the pet is giving to the owner as well.  That is absolutely true.  The pet owner is dynamically engaged in the dance of giving and receiving.  They are engaged in the dance of life.

                 

Some people have a difficult time receiving because they have unconsciously tied reciprocation expectations onto the gift.  There may be fear around feeling an obligation to return the gift and fears of their own inadequacy at doing so begin to surface. 

We are taught that it is more blessed to give than to receive, but it clearly does not say that receiving is not a blessed act as well.  In order for the giver to have the experience of giving, there must be a receiver who allows them to experience the act of giving.  To turn down a compliment, gift, etcetera, it actually prevents the giver from experiencing the intrinsic rewards of giving.  The unrequited giver hears in the subtext of the gift-refusal that their offering is unworthy. 

When we turn down a compliment, we are subtly telling the giver that they are wrong.  That kind of experience leaves both parties with a rather empty and unfulfilling experience. 

If you find that you have a difficult time receiving, and are willing to change and grow beyond that limiting belief, you can try the following simple exercise:

Every single day somebody will offer to you a simple act of kindness.  We are so conditioned to not receive that we often do not acknowledge or even recognize those moments when we are the recipient of a gift.  With this awareness, begin your day with a quest to find that simple moment that appears in you life.  It may be as simple as someone letting you into traffic or as large as being told how beautiful you look today. 

In either case, the first thing you can do is to recognize that a gift is being held out to you then tell yourself that you recognize it.  As you practice, you will begin to notice more and more of those moments of gift offerings in your life that you have been missing. 

If you don’t know what to say in that moment, simply say, “thank you” and do the best you can to tolerate the anxiety that might arise in you.  You do not need to say anything else, nor do you need to "match" their offering with an obligated return gift.  Giving is always done freely.  If it isn’t given freely, and you feel obligated to return it in kind, it becomes a sale and the sacredness of the moment is lost forever.

Dr. James E. Walton, respected Marriage & Family Therapist, TV & radio host, and author, has won multiple international awards for his fast selling album series including Best Album of the Year in self-help from the 2009 JPF Independent Music Awards, the largest independent music award organization in the world.  With hundreds of thousands of tracks sold, he is a leader in the field of self-help. For more information on Dr. Jim's self-help audios with free samples, log onto www.TheDrWaltonSeries.com.  For videos and more information on Dr. Jim, and to obtain free audio affirmations, log onto his website at LAtherapist.com. 

Long-term vs. Short-term Memory - How to Maximize Both

           Short-term memory stores information temporarily in the mind.  Long-term memory stores information permanently in the mind.  Both properties are essential for high functioning in our society.

            Short-term memory retains information in terms of chunks, or items.  It is estimated that our capacity for short-term memory is for seven chunks, plus or minus two.  To increase the number of chunks in our short term memory takes serious effort. Anxiety and lack of sleep can actually interfere with short term memory.

            Long-term memory, however, has an unlimited capacity for information.  Information remains in short term memory only as long as we continue to think about it, information placed in long-term memory remains there permanently.  Once we have dedicated five to ten seconds of serious concentration to memorizing an item, it will remain in the long-term memory. 

            In order to retain this information in the long-term memory, we must be able to relate the information to information we already know. This is known as coding information.  Short-term memory does not have any coding processes.  Therefore, information is easily and quickly forgotten from the short-term memory.

            In our long-term memory, we are able to learn new information without forgetting old information.  In contrast, the short-term memory holds information only as long as a person is able to pay attention to it.  In both processes, however, we are able to experience an apparent loss of information.  In short-term memory, the loss of information may occur from either new incoming information or from decay due to not attending the old information.  In short-term memory, we are only able to retain a very small amount of information at any given time, so information can be lost quickly due to interference.  This differs from loss of information in long-term memory.

            Loss of information in the long-term memory is more due to a retrieval failure rather than an actual loss of the information.  When information is not coded in a way that is conveniently accessible, it appears to be forgotten by the long-term memory.  However, if the person were able to give himself the correct cues for retrieving the information, he would most likely be able to. 

            Both Long and Short term memory are involved in the Serial Position Effect.  This effect means that items given at the beginning and end of the list are better remembered than items given in the middle of the list.  Long-term memory is utilized at the beginning of the list because the information is given so much attention it is placed there.  Short-term memory is utilized at the end of the list because it is the last item and is temporarily held there until it is interfered with or removed form our focus.  Thus, information learned at the end of the list will be forgotten within a short period of time, however, the information learned at the beginning of the list will be retained because it has been committed to the long-term memory. 

            Both long-term and short-term memories are based in biological systems.  They are, however, theorized to be located in different areas of the brain.  It appears that long-term memory may be stored as concepts throughout the entire brain.  Opposed to short-term memory, which seems to be located in the hippocampus area of the brain.  When the hippocampus is removed from both sides of the brain, a person retains his long-term memory, however loses his short-term memory.   Therefore, there appears to be separate areas of the brain that control short and long term memories.

            Both long-term and short term memories work together through what is called the Duplex Theory.  Long-term memory can actually assist short-term memory through the use of mnemonics.  Mnemonics are retrieval and storage plans for dealing with information.  Information recalled from the long-term memory can be used to assist the short-term memory through mnemonics.  Mnemonics allow larger chunks of information to be formed though associations. 

            Once a mnemonic has been use for the retention of information, it can be called up and used by the short-term memory for creating a larger chunk of information.  The short-term memory can only hold approximately seven chunks of information.  However, if the long-term memory used a mnemonic device for memorizing the information, this information is brought into the short-term memory in larger chunks that allow more information to be held in the short-term memory at that time.  Thus, short-term memory can be expanded by drawing upon previously learned material stored in long term memory.  This affects a person's ability to chunk, and allows them to store information in larger chunks and therefore expands their working memory.  Relaxation and meditation exercises can be very helpful for improving both short and long-term memory.

            The long and short-term memories work together and separately to maximize the capacity of our learning processes.  They each have different tasks that they perform in our memory functions.  Both are essential for our success at functioning independently in this world.              

For more information on Dr. Jim's self-help audios with free samples, log onto www.TheDrWaltonSeries.com.  For more information on Dr. Jim, and to obtain free audio affirmations, log onto his Facebook Fan Page at www.DrJamesWalton.com.

Introduction to Dr. Jim and Feeding Your Relationship

 

For more information on Dr. Jim's self-help audios with free samples, log onto www.TheDrWaltonSeries.com.  For more information on Dr. Jim, and to obtain free audio affirmations, log onto his website at LAtherapist.com.

Death As A Way of Knowing Life

         For centuries, scientific linear thinking has been dominating our way of understanding the world.  Linear ways of knowing life implies a beginning and an end.  This process has led us away from understanding holistic harmony with the earth into an area where life is understood only through isolating its parts.  Linear ways of knowing life implies a beginning and an end.  Thus, if life is going to have an end, we do not hold ourselves accountable for it and feel no need to understand ourselves on a deeper level since it will end anyway.  

            To understand what I’m saying more clearly, consider an elephant.  Linear thinking requires that we kill the elephant and study its individual parts by removing them from the body such as its heart, lungs, etc.  In that process, we have removed the elephant from its interaction with the environment in an effort to understand the elephant without the extraneous contaminating influences that surround it.  However, a holistic way of understanding the elephant would be to observe it in its environment and consider the environment as an essential component of what it means to be an elephant.  

            We are now challenged to take accountability for our actions and reawaken through holistic ways of knowing to understand our harmony with life.  Our linear ideas of understanding our world are being challenged through our encounter with death.  For linear thinking, death is the unquestionable end.  In holistic thinking, death leads us back to the beginning; it is part of the environment that is an essential component of what it means to be alive.  Through understanding death, we are brought into a search for greater meaning in our lives while being directed to reconnect with the world around us. 

            That we are born implies that we will die.  However, the knowledge of our own demise is a subject we choose to avoid in our current thinking.  Such thoughts only raise our level of anxiety since death is perceived as the end. 

            As children, we generally have no knowledge of death before the age of three.  By the age of nine, almost all children realize the inevitability of death.  How a child relates to and handles the subject of death has much to do with the influence the parents and society have exerted about the topic.  However, the fear of death seems to be a universal one. 

            Death brings with it a sense of powerlessness that can be terrifying to the average person.  It is a fear that is only made worse by our current linear thinking about death.  Linear thinking distances us from what we want to know in order to understand it.  This form of thinking removes that which we want to know, death, from its natural context of daily life.  By doing so, our scientific thinking has actually removed death from our daily lives, thus removing the familiarity and understanding that comes from such intimate contact with it. 

            Scientific thinking is linear.  It affords no hope of rebirth from death.  To that way of thinking, death is the end.  Such ways of knowing death can strike terror into the heart of the average person.  It is therefore not understood as a circular part of life as holistic ways of thinking would have it, but it is removed from life and becomes a stranger to our existence.  It is a stranger that we fear.  Since we do not have control over this stranger, we decide to remove it from our sight completely.

            In the 15th century, linear perspective was developed and vision became the primary way of knowing.  That tradition of linear perspective continues today.  We choose to deny death by removing it from our line of vision.  We do so by removing the elderly and placing them in nursing homes and placing the terminally ill in hospices.  We even remove the process of dying from our vocabulary.  Many people cannot even say the word cancer when referring to a dying acquaintance, or if they do, the words are mentioned in a hushed voice.  The action of whispering implies the removal of the dying from our lives and consciousness.  We do not want to know death when using scientific thinking as our way of knowing, because it means the end.

            Nursing homes are frequently established in areas zoned for business away from the daily life of neighborhoods.  Therefore, they are removed from our daily lives.  Hospices, however, are designed to be established in residential neighborhoods affording the terminally ill the sense of belonging in a community. 

            Both cancer and AIDS hospices have extreme difficulty opening in neighborhoods.  The neighbors are highly resistant to these facilities being place near their homes.  Their resistance does not come from any trouble these facilities have been known to cause, or because they are capable of spreading a disease in their neighborhood, but because these facilities are a reminder of death.  Hospices are places were people go to die.  They represent the helplessness we have over death.  Thus, the neighbors fight, because they do not want to know death.  They wish to remain innocent of its existence.  All forms of knowing set up a tension between the call to know and the desire to not know.

            However, we cannot hide from death.  We have consciousness, and with consciousness, comes awareness of our own demise.  Knowledge of our death, has forced us to leave the paradise of ignorance.  To gain knowledge we must leave the paradise of innocence.  To leave this innocence for knowledge we are cursed and wounded.  The wound is the awareness of our own demise.  We are then cursed to carry that knowledge with us the rest of our lives.

            Our scientific ways of viewing death have cut us off from our intimate understanding and awareness of death.  It is no longer a part of our lives; we have removed it from nature.  It is isolated and relegated to the world of hospitals and doctors.  It is relegated to the world of science.  Death is treated as separate from life and thus it is removed from our lives.  We have lost our holistic connections with death through scientific thinking. 

            Today, in the 21st century, we are being confronted with our own mortality on a massive scale through natural disasters, disease on a massive scale, war and environmental destruction.  People who have been diagnosed with terminal cancer are directly confronted with the knowledge their own mortality. The diagnosis of cancer is on the rise.  In fact, a recent study states that by 2030 the number of cancer deaths that year will be double what they are today.  The diagnosis of cancer is on the rise.  Those of us who are aware of someone with cancer are confronted with our own mortality.   

            It is impossible to not be aware of cancer if one is connected to society.  Cancer is mentioned on a daily basis on the television, radio, newspapers and magazines.  To be connected to society today, one is connected to cancer and death.  Knowledge of death is being forced into our lives on a massive scale.

            People with AIDS more than any other disease are shunned from society.  Stories of firebombing homes and pulling children out of school where a child with AIDS attends are commonplace.  These people are unwelcome living reminders that we live with death.  Rationally, people know that AIDS is not spread casually.  Our logical minds tell us that we are in no danger from those people.  People just do not want to know death and they are willing to go to extremes to avoid being confronted with their own mortality.  

            Holistically speaking, death on a massive scale is brought into our living rooms every night through war, terror and disease and it confronts us with the cycle of life.  It becomes a step in our growth.  Death then becomes a part of the cycle of life and rebirth. 

            Modern man does not want to know about himself.  Such knowledge would only lead him deeper into self-awareness and feelings that would lead him out of the paradise of ignorance into the curse and wound of knowledge.  Man has become lazy as far as understanding himself and looking deeper into his meaning.  Terrorism and war have become a way for consciousness to dramatize the fact by striking those considered with the most life, civilians and soldiers in the prime of life, with sudden death.  This, in turn, causes the rest of us to search deeper for the meaning in life. 

            The death of the elderly is easy to over look.  We expect the elderly to eventually die, and we can remain numb to the fact through our own youth by not being able to identify with them.  However, war and terrorism strikes down mainly the young and the healthy.  Death has now moved from the unidentifiable realm of the elderly and has entered into the world of youth.  Youth is the section of our society that we most wish to identify with.  Now, to identify with youth, we are confronted with death.  In many ways, our view of youth is superficial. We mostly focus on outward youthful appearances.  Our having to confront death in the face of youth leads us deeper into Self and away from superficiality.

            Constant war, terrorism and environmental destruction have become symptoms of the world losing contact with its soul.  Our linear thinking has pulled us far away from our connection with the earth by separating us away from that which we want to know. 

            We have lost the holistic way of knowing our subjects through intimacy and love.  We have "tortured Nature for her secrets" and removed all sense of soul from our discoveries.  Humankind has become more self-centered and less community oriented over the past few centuries. 

Individuality involves the capacity to experience the physical, as well as, emotional differences from others.  To experience individuation, one must be left in the original context of his environment, as individuation implies the preexistence of a relationship from which one is to individuate.  Scientific thinking does not have the capacity to acknowledge differentiation in terms of relationships, since scientific knowledge is derived by separating the subject from its environment.  Therefore, as scientific ways of knowing are dominant in this culture, the differentiation of individuals is not an encouraged way of being. 

            Scientific thinking has led to our alienation from one another through distancing.  This form of knowledge does not allow for emotions to assist in our understanding.  In scientific thinking emotions are moved outside of one's self. Holistically, death is a process that leads to the withdraw of our interaction and towards our individuation due to the change in our environment.  Thus, death becomes a way to force those left behind to individuate.  It forces us to experience our individuation and confront our anonymity.

            The disfigurement of the body by diseases such as cancer can correspond to the disfigurement we are wrecking upon the earth.  The earth, like the body of a cancer victim, is dying from wounds, toxins and neglect. 

            The soul of the earth, like that of man, is calling out for more connection.  The affliction of cancer, terrorism, constant war and wide spread disease are causing some people to get in touch with their compassion and love for others and for the Earth.  True acts of compassion for those suffering from disease and disaster are taking place.  Disease and disaster are helping us to reconnect with the compassionate and loving parts of ourselves that we have long neglected. 

            A person with a terminal illness realizes that his or her time is short and so often will drop the pretenses and superficial values of the world for more honest and intimate quality time with those they love.  In doing so, they reintroduce us to the value of intimate relationships and drop the walls of anonymity that keep distance between people. 

            It has been found that those people who eat more whole foods and take more rest and move with the rhythm of life with a more accepting attitude while letting go of anger live healthier longer.  From a holistic perspective, they have become messengers of the collective unconscious directing us to simplify our lives and reconnect with the earth. 

            The afflictions of constant war, environmental disaster, terrorism and cancer have brought the awareness of death into the hub of modern society and away from the isolation of the elderly.  It has become a symptom of suffering by the soul of the world.  It is a sign to draw our attention away from the superficialities of life and to look deeper into the interconnectedness of the world.  It  is drawing us away from linear scientific thinking and its separation from nature to a more holistic way of knowing which embraces life and moves in harmony with it.   It embraces life and all that goes with it.  To live with harmony and respect for all life and its forms while remaining open to feeling and hearing the voice of the world is to live holistically with all life.  That seems to be our greatest challenge and lesson of life today in knowing our world through holistic understanding and preserving our future.

Dr. Walton's latest album, Healing from Grief and Finding Peace in Your Life, was just released. Check it out on iTunes, Amazon.com, and CDbaby for free samples. For more information on Dr. James E. Walton you may log onto his website at LAtherapist.com There you will find free affirmation downloads, videos, self-help CDs and helpful topical pages for you to explore.

Three Ways to Help A Loved One Lose Weight

I am very grateful to the French film students who edited this video.  I hope you enjoy it and are able to forgive a few typos and glitches that came out of some difficulties in the translation and learning process. 

For more information on Dr. Walton's international award-winning album "Ultimate Weight Loss," you can log onto the site and hear free download samples.   Press Release


For more information on Dr. Walton's self-help audios with free samples, log onto www.TheDrWaltonSeries.com.  For more information on Dr. Walton, and to obtain free audio affirmations, log onto his website at LAtherapist.com.

How Can Hypnosis Help?

What Is Hypnosis?

Hypnosis is a pleasant state of relaxation created with words allow the subconscious mind to be receptive to positive suggestions in its thought processes.

Suggestions given under hypnosis are more powerful than those given when the person is conscious, because the suggestions are given directly to the subconscious mind.

Under hypnosis, people are not asleep. They are actually awake. They are aware of everything going on around them and of everything that is being said to them. If asked, they could recall everything that took place while under hypnosis. Hypnosis is a natural state that we all experience everyday.

How Does Hypnosis Work?

Hypnosis allows you to enter a heightened state of suggestibility to create more effective communication with the subconscious mind, the area where all of your habits and impulses are formed. Hypnosis makes it easy to replace unwanted habits and impulses with more positive relaxed ones.

Is Hypnosis Dangerous?

No. Under hypnosis, you are aware of all of the suggestions you receive. You will not do anything that is against your well-being or safety. Should an objectionable suggestion be given while under hypnosis, you would either ignore the suggestion or would bring yourself out of hypnosis.

What Can Hypnosis Do For Me?

Stress is a leading cause of the breakdown in communication between individuals and leading cause of self-destructive behaviors. Hypnosis can help to reduce the stress that can lead to improved interpersonal communication and better thought processes for decision-making.

People who experience a sense of low self-confidence often find difficulty succeeding in their careers, relationships and other social interactions. Hypnosis can help people stop negative patterns of communication and help in creating gr3eater differentiation allowing a person to reduce their emotional reactivity and gain more self-confidence. This allows them to handle stressful situation in a more calm, rational and relaxed state.

Hypnosis is also very useful when used in combination with psychotherapy fore overcoming weight and eating issues as well as releasing undesirable habits that interfere with what you want out of life.


For more information on hypnosis and to listen to free samples of Dr. Walton's self-help series log onto TheDrWaltonSeries.com. you can also follow his daily tips on Twitter@LAtherapist. For more information on Dr. Walton and to get free audio affirmations for self-empowerment, log onto his website at LAtherapist.com.

Helping A Friend Who Has Been Through A Trauma

Any on of us may break down if we experience enough stress.  When conditions of overwhelming stress occur, even a previously stable individual may develop temporary psychological problems.  An individual will usually recover easily once the stressful situation is over.  In some cases, there are longer lasting effects that increase vulnerability to stress leading to a reduction in job satisfaction and poor interpersonal relationships.  

This is a blog on how to observe the warning signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and not becoming over-involved with a friend’s problem and how to refer them to professional counseling.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can be experienced by people exposed to earthquakes, sexual assaults, plane crashes, automobile accidents, fires, etc.  These individuals experience psychological “shock” reactions and show signs of stress.  Symptoms frequently occur after a trauma.  People with this disorder might experience anxiety ranging from mild to severe anxiety when situations are presented that recall the traumatic event.

People who have been subjected to trauma often experience chronic tension, irritability, fatigue, and/r insomnia.  Often, persons experiencing PTSD will experience nightmares that directly or symbolically represent the traumatic incident.  Other symptoms include lack of concentration, memory loss and feelings of depression. 

Therapeutic intervention with a therapist right after the trauma can greatly reduce the chances of an individual experiencing PTSD.  It is important for the individual to talk about the event as much as they need to.  It is also a good idea for them to begin to write their feelings down on paper.  It is also important to allow them to express their anger over the situation.  All of this should be done in conjunction with a competent therapist.

The best way to assist someone whom you suspect of having PTSD into therapy is to ask them a question concerning therapy such as, “Have you thought about getting some counseling on that subject?”  Talk openly about what they are experiencing without judgment about going for counseling.  This will allow them to feel supported by you and may be the best advice they have yet received.

Making a direct statement such as, “You need therapy!” mighty be too confrontational and do neither of you any good.  It might lead to an argument, or at best, alienate your friend from any chance of reaching out for professional help.

Effective therapy can help them overcome feelings of loneliness, low self-esteem and depression while helping them move in a positive direction where they feel more confidence in themselves and more control over their life situations.  Therapy can also help them move out of being and feeling like a victim in life into a place where they are able to ask for what they want while gaining the respect of those around them.

For more information on trauma and anxiety and to listen to free samples of Dr. Walton's self-help series log onto TheDrWaltonSeries.com.  you can also follow his daily tips on Twitter@LAtherapist.  For more information on Dr. Walton and to get free audio affirmations for self-empowerment, log onto his website at LAtherapist.com.

Empower Yourself through Assertiveness

Learning to make assertive responses will reduce the anxiety you may feel in dealing with others.  Assertive behavior does not push others around, deny their rights, or injure other people.

A daily record of your assertiveness will help you judge you progress over time and after a few weeks,you will have a lot of information about your progress.  Write down those situations you can handle easily and those which are troublesome.  Be aware of attitudes, behaviors and obstacles.


ELEMENTS OF ASSERTIVENESS

• To promote equality in human relationships
• To stand up for yourself
• To express feelings honestly and comfortably
• To exercise personal rights
• To not deny the rights of others

COMPONENTS OF ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR

• Eye contact
• Body posture - relative power is emphasized by standing or sitting
• Distance/physical contact
• Gestures
• Facial expression - face should agree with the message
• Voice tone
• Fluency
• Timing
• Content - Take responsibility for your feelings, don't blame the other

HELP FOR HANDLING THOUGHTS

• Give yourself a positive soothing message before a difficult task.
• When bothered by an unwanted thought, shout "STOP" and switch to more pleasant thoughts.  Also, X-out the thought and replace it with "I am willing to love and respect myself."
•  X-out any negative self-attacking thoughts and replace them with the opposite positive thought.

For more information on assertiveness and to listen to free samples of Dr. Walton's self-help series log onto TheDrWaltonSeries.com.  you can also follow his daily tips on Twitter@LAtherapist.  For more information on Dr. Walton and to get free audio affirmations for self-empowerment, log onto his website at LAtherapist.com. 

As A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I Have Just One Question to Maggie Gallagher, President of The National Organization for Marriage: "What’s It All About Maggie?"

These words are inscribed in walls of the Jefferson Memorial in Washington, DC.  They were spoken by Thomas Jefferson and immortalized in marble because those words are the true intentions of the founding fathers for creating a nation that is both tolerant and flexible.  We would do well today to take in and live by what he so eloquently spoke over two hundred years ago.  If you click on the photos, they will enlarge so you can read for yourself what he said.
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Emotionally healthy people don’t have an obsessive preoccupation with the sex lives of others.  Then again, emotionally healthy people don’t hide their families from public view, unless they are trying to manufacture a deceptive appearance for public consumption.  I doubt Ms. Gallagher would pander to such base levels so there must be another reason for the conspicuous absence of her eldest child (the page was removed after this publishing) and  husband at, the so called,  public family gatherings that function as rallies for banning the recognition of same-sex couples.  I would imagine that she regards her followers as up-standing, open minded and accepting individuals, so why the apparent shell game with her family when same-sex couples honestly and openly declare their love for their partners before God, country and the news media? 

Another curious issue for someone with the so called traditional values that she claims to promote, is that she doesn’t take on her husband’s last name publicly.  Instead, she presents herself to her followers with her maiden name, Maggie Gallagher and not Maggie Srivastav.  Srivastav is her married name.  

Her agenda calling for the banning of same-sex civil marriage is allowed in a free and open society, but what is the point if she has to create mistruths, conceal personal agendas, and fabricate history to achieve her goal?  Also, she has not revealed to the public where she derives her funding.   Her organization, the National Organization for Marriage even defies court orders to reveal who their donors are. The Mormon Church and Catholic bishops could be the leading suspects.  Is it possible that they are trying to redefine civil marriage along their own “traditional” theological teachings and impose their will through civil law on all Americans?  

Certainly, no one has benefited more than Ms. Gallagher/Sirvastav when it comes to an inclusive civil marriage law.  I find it ironic that she, herself, had a child out-of-wedlock and is currently married outside the Christian faith to a Hindu husband.  How dare she complain that others are trying to change the definition of marriage.  Clearly she has taken maximum advantage of the civil marriage laws afforded her but now advocates passionately to deny that same right to others.

Simply put, the goal for civil equality is quite open and honest about its intention.  It’s about attaining civil marriage equality for all people.  No hidden agendas, no shell games, and no public deception for mass consumption coming out of a hidden agenda to sell books, or attain fame, or public office and no more victimizing of others.  It’s simple goal is to attain civil equality for everyone.  An equality that allows all individuals, such as Ms Gallagher/Sirvastav, to stand before the public view without fear of shame or judgment for the individual they love and chose to make a life commitment with through civil marriage.

I was watching her debate marriage issues with Andrew Sullivan on a conservative panel at the invitation of the conservative think tank Cato.com and was struck by a realization:  She has no formal education, to my knowledge, on the topic.  She graduated Yale University in 1982 where she earned a B.A. in Religious Studies.  A B.A. In Religious Studies from Yale is a respectable degree, but it doesn’t qualify her as an authority on interpersonal/marital relationships such as a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy, or a Masters of Social Work, or a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology would have afforded her.  She simply does not hold any degree higher than a Bachelor’s in Religious Studies. 

While at Yale, she belonged to the "Party of the Right" in the Yale Political Union.  I’m sure that she made many fine contacts with some very influential people during that time.  It may have even garnered her favor with the Bush Administration when they paid her ten’s of thousands of dollars from the Department of Health and Human Services in 2002 and 2003 to promote George W. Bush’s marriage initiatives.  But when she testified before Congress in favor of those programs, she never disclosed those  payments. 

Why was that?  It was my impression that social conservatism steadfastly stood against such shameful behavior as misleading others, acting as an authority when one is not, and premarital sex.  All of which she advocates for in others but apparently fails to follow for herself.  Maybe, the times they are a change’n, or maybe it is something else.

Just because she serves as president for the Institute for Marriage and Public Policy does not mean that she is qualified to theorize on or make healthy public policy decisions on the topic of marriage.  One may become head of the military of the United States by simply becoming president of the country without ever completing a competent stay of service.  As a nation, we all have experienced the fallout from the bad decisions and incompetence that have come out of those situations.  Had she completed an education in marriage and family studies or clinical psychology, she may have enriched herself with a more complete understanding of the emotions, lives and loves of all fellow human beings. 

Projection is a very insidious thing.  We don’t even know that we are doing it when we do it.  By its very nature, it is designed to create a wall of denial for ourselves distancing us from acknowledging the very behaviors within ourselves that we so vehemently abhor in others.  By attacking it in others, we can buy ourselves some relief from the internal conflict that has us in its grip.  The relief is only temporary however.  Unless we come to terms with it, we will continue to demonize others in a desperate bid to gain some relief. 

I wonder if there was a time in her past when she loved someone very much that she couldn’t have.  People tend to do to others that which was done to themselves.  Her actions against same sex couples may carry some of that tenor.  Her apparent desire to denigrate and dismiss relationships that she considers non-traditional, although she herself is involved in relationships that would be considered non-traditional by her own standards, reeks of resentment.  “If I can’t have it, why should you” is a pattern in people who feel a sense of helplessness in unrequited desires.  Of course, if this is the case, she has made it an obsession on a national scale affecting the private lives of millions of people. 

Affecting millions of people through an individual’s personal self-loathing is nothing new.   Just recently, State Senator Roy Ashburn (R-Calif.) was arrested at 2 AM for drunk driving after being seen leaving a gay nightclub in Sacramento, CA while driving a state owned vehicle accompanied by a male companion.  He later divulged that he was in fact gay and hiding the fact from the public, his family and maybe even himself.

To quote CBS13 The CW31     

“Ashburn served six years as a state Assemblyman before being elected to the State Senate.  According to Project Vote Smart, Ashburn's voting record shows he has voted against every gay rights measure in the State Senate since taking office including Recognizing Out-Of-State Same-Sex Marriages", Harvey Milk Day and Expanding Anti-Discrimination Laws.”

How much more clearly can I make my point?  People are simply not interested in the sex lives of others if they have already dealt with their own internal conflicts.  Healthy people want others to have healthy lives, and healthy lives include healthy relationships and sex lives that are not up for moral victimization by those who have something to hide from the public or profit from a hidden agenda. 

When it comes to the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act, this short video makes some very compelling and concise statements.  NOM Called Out on Deceptive Ad.

If you would like some excellent talking points for dealing with this bigotry please check out Dr. John Corvino's short video.  You can also check out the spiritual perspective on this topic by Father Geoff Farrow at www.FatherGeoff.com.

So... What’s it all about Maggie?


For more information on James E. Walton, Ph.D. log onto his website at www.LAtherapist.com.  For information on his self-help series, log onto www.TheDrWaltonSeries.com.

Recovering from Grief and Moving Forward in Your Life

Grief arises as a rumbling deep from within our soul as we take in the experience of loss.  Without it, our soul is numb, for grief deepens and expands our experience in life as we are changed through the meaning we give it.  It softens the hardened heart bringing forth a greater understanding and empathy for others. 

By allowing grief to soften the heart, it is no longer entrapped by irrational demand to control and impossible outcome, but is freed to form a new sense of compassion and empowerment.  We are awakened to a new perspective our our wold that we would not have had without the experience of grief.

That we love implies that well will grieve.  There are times that only through the depth of our grief are we able to truly see the depth of our love.  To understand love, one must also understand grief.

Grief: an encasement of sorrow surrounding us like a tight fitting blanket; black, encasing us in endless pain and sadness.  We lose sight of our direction and lose touch with our souls.  Hidden behind the darkness of our emotions a dark veil of disconnection descends between us and the inner light of our being.  Within the shadow of grief we cook and grow, fostering a reemergence as a seed protected within its cocoon like shell.  Hard and alienated, life continues to well within.  Awaiting the moment of life giving water allowing it to break its shell and come forth into the world anew and vibrant. 

We are not alone in the world with our grief.  Everyone on the planet experiences grief at some point in their lives.  Because we love, we form attachments with others and we experience grief when those attachments are broken.  If we had formed a bond, then we will experience grief if it is broken.

Grief is an essential process for healing from a loss.  Experiencing grief is unavoidable if we are to heal.  Grief is the process that allows us to take in the reality of the loss unchaining us from the past and allowing us to move forward in our own life.

We may not want to accept what has occurred.  We may become angry about it; and in that process, we connect with feelings that reveal to us the depths of our love for that individual.

As our loss sinks deeper, hopelessness, deep sadness and depression reveal themselves to us.  We shut down and go quiet allowing the healing to begin on the inside.  We are now acknowledging our loss and in the process we are slowed by depression eventually allowing us to come to acceptance over the loss that has occurred.  It is a slow cooking process, not to be hurried.  It is a sign that we are healing.

As we come to acceptance, we release our demand on a different outcome.  Acceptance doe3s not mean that we like the outcome, but we stop fighting our loss and that gives us permission to move forward and join life again. 

With the dawn or our acceptance, we reach out to others.  We reaffirm our current relationships and we engage in forming new ones.  We once again address our own needs.

Find those things that you enjoy, allow yourself to take a rest from your emotions without placing judgment on yourself.

Dr. Walton's latest album, Healing from Grief and Finding Peace in Your Life, was just released. Check it out on iTunes, Amazon.com, and CDbaby for free samples. For more information on Dr. James E. Walton you may log onto his website at LAtherapist.com There you will find free affirmation downloads, videos, self-help CDs and helpful topical pages for you to explore.

Grief Recovery: Coming to Acceptance

Grief is something we will all experience in our lives.
Because we live, form attachments and love, we experience grief when these attachments and bonds are broken.

It makes little difference how the bond was broken. If we had formed a bond, then we will experience grief if it is broken.

Our experience of grief is an essential process for healing from a loss. Experiencing grief is unavoidable if we are to heal.

Everyone experiences grief in their own time and manner. Through the processes of grief, we both cry and laugh as we remember the individual. It is a process of integrating the reality of the loss into our lives in a way that allows us to move forward in our own life.

During the first part of the grief, we may not want to accept the reality of what has just occurred. It seems unreal, unfathomable.

We then may enter a place where we feel angry with the other person for leaving us and we feel abandoned or victimized. Under that anger is our pain. It’s another indication of how deeply we loved that person. This is good, because we are getting in touch with our feelings and it shows us that we did love that person and we’re angry at their loss.

We may then try to make deals with God or ourselves to bring them back, for instance, “I promise to go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life if you just bring him back.”

As the reality of the loss sinks deeper into our consciousness, we may experience a feeling of hopelessness, deep sadness and depression. This is the phase most commonly recognized in the grief process.

This phase allows us to shut down and go quiet so that we may heal on the inside. We’re finally acknowledging the loss but we’re physically and mentally slowed down by the depression. This slowing down process, brought about by the depression, allows us to gradually come to the acceptance of what has actually occurred. This is a very important part of healing from the loss and should not be rushed or avoided. Ultimately, it’s a sign that you’re healing.

At times, it can feel as if we’re going through all of these phases at once and other times, it can feel as if we’re jumping around from one to the other in no particular order.

Finally, at some point, we experience a sense of acceptance for the loss. Acceptance doesn’t mean that we like it, but we stop fighting our loss, and that gives us permission to move forward and live. When we come to acceptance, we once again begin to listen to, and take care of, our own needs. We reach out to others, we reaffirm old relationships and we engage in new ones.

In the meantime, find those things that you enjoy doing, that give you a sense of rest from your emotions, and do those things without casting judgment on yourself.

Dr. Walton's latest album, Healing from Grief and Finding Peace in Your Life, was just released. Check it out on iTunes, Amazon.com, CDbaby for free samples and other online outlets. For more information on Dr. James E. Walton you may log onto his website at LAtherapist.com There you will find free affirmation downloads, videos, self-help CDs and helpful topical pages for you to explore.

Near-Death Experiences: The After Life

The focus of my dissertation research was on near-death experiences as a rite of passage toward spiritual maturity. It is available for your enjoyment through the link at the bottom of this post.

Having an awareness that there are things out there in life hidden from our view creates for me a mystery. Mysteries bring a sense of awe. Experiencing the awe of a mystery can have a greater impact upon our psyche than the actual revelation of the mystery.

Returning with the mystery that their lives continued after their deaths, the near-death experiencers in this study gained a renewed awe and appreciation for life. They reported a change in their attitudes toward life that they attributed directly to the NDE. They claimed that where they were once selfish or fearful in life, they were now giving and fearless. They spoke of returning with a renewed sense of love, respect and wonderment for nature. Their motivation for doing right action was no longer based on fear.

By sharing their stories with us, they have brought the gift of mystery into our own lives. As in Pandora’s box, these pioneers have brought back with them the gift of hope in a world wracked by insanity.

There is no greater gift than the gift of hope. For in our hope, we meet our innocence. In our innocence, we hold no malice. By holding no malice, we are open to the processes of life and by opening to life, we hold eternity in our hands.

Near-Death Experiences: The Research