Therapist as Shaman

Shamanism appears to be the earliest form of healing that we are aware of to date.  It has existed throughout the world from Russia to Australia, from China to the Americas.  Although there is no one explanation as to how shamanism spread throughout the world, the two that are most popular today is that either shamanism began in Siberia and spread, or that it sprang up spontaneously throughout the world.  There are common aspects of shamanism found throughout the world.  They are findings of teeth, bones, feathers, bird feet, helmets with streamers, skirts with skins, mirrors, crystals, horns, drums, antlers, and statues with toungs that allow researchers to determine whether shamanism existed within a particular society.

            The shaman believes that evil spirits cause illness for the body.  They believe that they can create magic with their words and ritual actions that can drive the evil spirits from the body.  To do this, they must first protect themselves from these spirits, then enter into an altered state of consciousness characterized by a state of ecstasy.  They believe they are able to visit three worlds of reality:  The Under World that represents terror and power, The Middle World in which they see the spirits of this world among us, and The Upper World that is the world of deities.  When Someone claims that they are able to perceive those three worlds, they are having a shamanistic experience. 

                What distinguishes a shaman from a professional priest or healer, is that he is a part-time practitioner.  The training passes down individually from teacher to student.  There are no large schools which train people to become a shaman.  There are two principal ways for a person to become a shaman.  The first way is to be born into a shaman lineage and follow in the footsteps of the ancestors.  The second, and most common way, is to experience a calling for the position.  A calling is perceived by a series of events recognized by the tribe and the individual.  Such events involve:  separation, communication with other beings, ecstatic experiences, a sense they are going to be a shaman and the seeking out of a shaman to train with.

            Psychotherapists can learn much from the shaman.  The Shaman represents a multi-dimensional view of reality.  He believes that reality is a creation of the unconscious.  As therapists, we too would do well to learn how to embrace a multi-dimensional view of reality.  By understanding that there is a conscious and unconscious, as well as the different levels of the unconscious:  the world unconscious, personal unconscious, and collective unconscious, we may gain a better insight into the issues of our clients.  I have often seen a client's material world appear to match his/her personal outlook on life.  By understanding this process, which the shaman seems to know so well, we may be able to help our clients pull themselves out of undesirable real world experiences. 

            The shaman expands what is and what can be through their and their clients' belief in magic.  There are times when therapists encounter patients who are only able to see the world through a lens of black and white.  Often, a client may feel that there is no way he will ever be able to change his life.  By assisting our clients to view the possibilities of change as the shaman does with his clients, we may be able to help the client break the chains of status quo that binds him to the old and possibly self-destructive ways.

            The shaman acknowledges that she is not the one who is creating the change for the client.  She is aware that it is a greater force that she can not control, but only influence.  We too, must recognize that we are not able to change the client, but can only influence him/her with new out looks and ideas.  It is up to the client to accept what is given to her and use it in her life.  As therapists, we have no control over the client's unconscious mind.  This is a great force over which we have no control.  We may be able to assist with some influence, but we must always be as cognizant, as the shaman, that we cannot control it.

                 The shaman lives in the real world.  She holds employment outside the shaministic activities.  She does not allow her activities as a shaman to fill her with false pride, or allow her to look down on others with a sense of being superior.  It might be easy for some psychotherapists to become filled with a sense of self-importance as they watch their clients improving.  These therapists could easily become arrogant and loose touch with empathy for the client.  The shaman never forgets that she is a human being and is not above or below the client, but is able to stay in touch with the humanness of herself and the client's.  The Shaman works together with the client, as does a psychotherapist.  The shaman does not blame herself if a cure does not come forth.  The same should hold true for a therapist.  If a therapist believes too strongly that she alone is responsible for change in her clients' lives, then she may be setting him or herself up for over-involvement in a client's life and lose her objectivity.

            The shaman also protects himself before practicing his trade.  So should a therapist.  Often therapists neglect to protect themselves from a client's emotional and mental states.  Depression and anxiety are two especially contagious emotions.  There are times when a therapist comes home from the office, only to find that he is experiencing similar emotions of the client, or they just feel especially drained from a particular patient.  Shamans do not feel drained from their work.  They do not take on any of the emotional states of the client.  Shamans enjoy their work.  As therapists, we too need to protect ourselves so we may continue to enjoy our work and recognize the boundary between ourselves and our work, and ourselves and our clients.

            As part-item healers, shamans are able to keep their egos separate from the work.  Professional therapists have a difficult time keeping their egos out of their work.  The part time status of the shaman allows them to deal with the real world.  This is the world from where their clients come.  It also allows them to perceive themselves as a part of the society and an understanding of the people for whom they perform their work. 

               Therapists would do well to work part time, or at least have outside hobbies and activities that involve them out side of their careers.  By doing so, their chances of defining themselves by their careers and losing perspective life would diminish greatly.  They would then be able to maintain and enhance themselves as useful assistants to their clients.

            Both shaman and therapists provide their clients with a conceptual framework with which to work.  The clients of both come to them often with chaotic and vague distress.  Shamans explain to their clients why the client is having the experience, and what they can expect of an outcome.  Just knowing these simple "answers" can help a client begin a healing process.  As therapists, we too can assist our clients in understanding why something is going on for them and what they can expect.  It will help them to conceptualize their distress and give them hope that maybe something can relieve their discomfort.  This arouses a hope for cure.  Without a hope for cure, the client will probably not want to bother with working on their issues. 

            In order to arouse this hope for a cure the shaman creates an air of authority through the belief that she is in touch with powerful forces and fosters the belief that she will struggle with the client against the forces that cause her malaise.  As psychotherapists, we create our authority through our education and licenses.  Knowledge and experience may be viewed as powerful forces that psychotherapists are in touch with.  If psychotherapists take an approach similar to the shaman's with their clients, by fostering the belief that they will struggle with the client for change, then maybe that would encourage a closer relationship with the client allowing for depth work to take place.

            The shaman elicits vivid emotions in the client.  From the shaman's point of view, these emotions are very helpful in the healing process.  We can learn from the shaman to remember the important aspect of assisting our clients in experiencing emotions.  Psychotherapists assist their clients by leading them into the pain and exploring it.  As psychotherapists, we understand the importance of allowing our clients to experience their emotions.

             The work of the shaman should serve as a teaching guide to psychotherapists.  The shaman reminds us that the work of the mind is as much as an art as a science.  It is the art of our work that keeps us in touch with the client.  It is the art that sparks our creativity and puts us in touch with our humanity.  Like the shaman, we experience a calling that draws us to this profession from somewhere deep in our souls, beyond our physical world at the point where we are aware of our connection to all that exists.  If we take nothing else from the shaman, let us take his wisdom that we interconnect with all that exists; and we must work within its laws.  Science gives us the tools and knowledge; but art, the art of the shaman, gives us the creativity and understanding to use those tools in a way that can benefit mankind to the depths of his soul.

For more information on Dr. Jim's self-help audios with free samples, log onto www.TheDrWaltonSeries.com.  For more information on Dr. Jim, and to obtain free audio affirmations, log onto his website at LAtherapist.com. 

Releasing Road Rage for a Better Driving Experience

Anger is an emotion that we are highly resistant to releasing. Once we are caught in its grasp we hold onto it by repeating the angering incident over and over in our head. Research has shown that people who suffer from chronic anger are almost three times more likely to have a heart attack than the average individual and this is according to the American psychological association.

However, our experience with anger doesn’t have to be this way. We can gain the upper hand of this emotion by changing the way we think and altering our emotional responses to it. When it comes to road rage, notice if your hands are gripping the steering wheel in an unusually tight manner. If they are, gently relax your hands while maintaining control of the steering wheel.

Notice your breathing. Notice if your breathing is free and easy or if you’re holding your breath and your breathing is shallow. By not breathing properly, we can amplify the physical sensations associated with aggression that can contribute to dangerous driving. It’s important for you to breathe deeply through your nose filling your lungs to their capacity and then exhale completely through your mouth. As you exhale allow your body to relax into a comfortable driving position. Repeat this often as necessary to help reduce any physical tension you may experience behind the wheel.

What we are listening to on the radio while we are diving is important as well. Often times, our mood will reflect or be affected by the words and style of the music we are listening to. Hard music with a driving beat often times will stimulate and agitate while music with a soothing melody will relax us. Soothing music is always preferable to listen to if you are feeling agitated while driving.

Whenever possible, make sure that you have fresh air ventilation circulating in the car. Circulating fresh air can have a calming effect. It is easy and common to feel a sense of isolation from our environment when driving behind the wheel of our car. We are separated from everyone around us and we lose touch with their humanity and view the other drivers as objects in our way intent on preventing us from arriving at our destination.

Often, we take their driving behavior personally, as if they were intending to block our path. This is not usually the case. Imagine for a moment, if you will, the annoying driver in front of you is actually a beloved relative, say your favorite grandmother. How would you be feeling towards them now? Can you think of a loving experience you shared with that individual at one time?

Notice your body’s reaction to this thought. Notice how your thoughts affect your feelings about the others around you when you do this. You may find you driving becoming more relaxed and your ability to focus grow stronger.

No matter how many obstacles you come across on your journey, whether you have a car cut in front of you or a driver driving unreasonably slow, you are always in control of your thoughts and actions and you can protect yourself and those around you by driving in manner that is safe and responsible.

Remember everyone around you is loved by somebody just as you love and were loved by your favorite relative. Feel those protective feelings as you are driving on the road.We have all experienced an aggressive driver, a sudden stop, an erratic gesture or other discourteous experience from another motorist. We’ve all been there, everyone you see around you has experience this for themselves at some point as well. Keep this in mind. Any frustration that you are experiencing on the road has been shared by others around you at some point during their own driving experience.
Will this frustrating experience really matter a week from now, is it worth arriving at your destination angry? Is it worth the risk of being involved in an accident?

Use this experience as a catalyst for changing your thoughts to change your mood to have a better day.

When driving and feeling some frustration, take a deep breath slowly through your nose and gently exhale through your mouth and tell yourself “I am in control of my thoughts and actions and my safety and the safety of my passengers is foremost in my mind as I bring us to our destination safely.”

For more information on anger management, log onto LAtherapist.com. To listen to free anger management sample downloads, log onto Anger Management.

Responding to Crisis, Trauma and Natural Disasters

Natural disasters and their increasing destructiveness are becoming a part of the American landscape. Leaving scars, not only on the land and the livelihoods of those affected but leaving scars on the psyches of the survivors as well. One only needs to look back at New Orleans and more recently to the mid-west for recent examples. More than ever, we need a greater understanding on how to cope with natural disasters both large and small.

On January, 16, 1994, I was settled into a deep sleep, comfortable in my bed and safe in my home when suddenly, at 4 AM, the ground began to shake fiercely. I missed the initial shaking lost in my slumber. Suddenly, I awaken to a horrible grinding and growling coming from every direction of my bedroom. The ground is moving violently and I hang on for dear life to a bed that is trying to throw me off. Things are crashing all around me. My thoughts began to race uncontrollably, “Don’t let go, just don’t let go.” “Oh God, what is happening?”

Flashes of blue light from exploding transformers illuminate the room with rapid brilliance then fade through the curtains of my bedroom window. Things keep crashing to the ground; floor boards and wall studs creak and moan threateningly as the angry earth throws my home in its fit of rage. “Will it hold?” I’m frightened it won’t. It feels as if the world is coming to an end. Its fury is a monster released upon my home and me and it’s out to destroy us both. No time to think, just hold onto the bed, just hold on.

Then, as suddenly as it began, it stopped. Only the sound of car alarms echoing from within the blackness of the skyline can be heard off in the distance. One by one, they too become silent; then nothing. No sound, no light, just an ear crushing silence blanketing the night on a devastated landscape.

House to house my neighbors and I begin knocking on doors; “Is everybody alright?” can be heard echoing in the night up and down the street. Children put in cars, injured attended to; neighbors who have never before spoken to each other standing shoulder to shoulder helping one another.

When we have done what we can, we gather together in the street dazed and shocked. We come together to admire the now visible Milky Way whose brilliance, for the first time, can be seen from our street in the absolute darkness. Like a silent sentry it stands above us giving comfort in the stillness as we wait for the approaching daylight and the dawn of an unknown future.

Earthquakes, floods, terrorist attacks and all other disasters, natural or manmade, can be devastating on our sense of self and sense of safety. We are aware that, in Southern California, we live in an earthquake prone area. However, their lack of predictable activity and the long lag times between them can lull us into complacency. The same can be said for terrorist attacks as well.

We must live with an underlying, and reasonable, anxiety that a major disaster could happen. However, people are very adaptable by nature and in order to live with this chronic anxiety, we learn to turn it off. Over time, we become less responsive to the anxiety signals that are intended to protect us from danger.

This is the fight/flight response and we need to dull it to go on with life in a normal way. A good example of this can be observed in modern Israel where terrorist attacks have become a way of life. Yes, they are tragic, but people adapt and life goes on around them. We are designed, as human beings, to do this. We are very adaptable, so we are adapting to our environment of anxiety by turning it off. An unfortunate consequence of this natural adaptation is to not fully prepare for the possible crisis.

After a disaster hits, we feel disbelief and shock. We can become disoriented, have difficulty making decisions and experience feelings of anxious and moodiness. Often, people will feel apathy and emotional numbing accompanied by depression and reoccurring thoughts about the event. Insomnia and nightmares are also common. These are all signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

The two strongest factors influencing and individual’s recovery from PTSD are the intensity of the life stressors that were occurring before the trauma and the social support network they have with others. Negative social support, such as family members’ critical comments about the length of time taken for recovery, can make a victim’s recovery time drag on even longer.

A trauma victim must start dealing with his or her feelings immediately after the event, or they can become harmful to their mental and physical health. Here are some tips for handling those feelings. Talk about the event as much as you want by sharing your feelings with those who are willing to listen. Spend more time with friends and family. Make sure to care for yourself by getting enough rest, exercise and proper nutrition.

As you are able, return to as normal of a routine as possible. Meaning, if possible, eat meals at the usual time, go to bed at the usual time, etc. Ask for help when you need it. Don’t try to cope by yourself. Receiving help is not a sign of weakness. Help others. This can be a wonderful way of regaining a personal sense of fulfillment and empowerment during a time when personal power appears to have been stripped from us at a moment’s notice.

Allow children to be more dependent than usual. Often, children and adolescents will temporarily regress to acting younger than their age. Allow this to occur without shaming them. And of course, avoid drugs and excessive drinking. They can ultimately compound the stress by creating additional problems during a time of crisis.

It is common for people to not feel the symptoms of PTSD until after the adrenalin rush of the initial shock has worn off. It can take from days to months for this to occur. This is why some people behave as strong, steady, clearheaded heroes during the initial experience of a trauma and end up depressed or suffering nightmares after the event has passed.

Given the horror of a disaster, there is also opportunity for personal growth. A disaster can “shake” us out of our old patterns of thinking by allowing us an opportunity to view our selves and lives differently. By helping others, we meet the real self that lies beneath the surface of our once complacent exterior. And, like the Milky Way, it is often best revealed in the darkest of moments.

Log onto LAtherapist.com for more information on PTSD, stress and anxiety. Take a free personality quiz to see how you respond to stress. Log onto Stress Relief & Deep Sleep, or Tension Relief for free samples of anxiety and tension relief downloads.

Healing from Grief

Grief is something we will all experience in our lives. Because we live, form attachments and love, we experience grief when these attachments and bonds are broken. It makes little difference if the break in the bond was intentional as through a decision we make, or unintentional resulting from death or the actions of another. If we had formed a bond, then we will experience grief if it is broken.

Our experience of grief is an essential process for healing from a loss. Experiencing grief is unavoidable if we are to heal. Everyone experiences grief in their own time and manner. Through the processes of grief, we both cry and laugh as we remember the individual. It is a process of integrating the reality of the loss into our lives in a way that allows us to move forward in our own life.

During the first part of the grief, we may not want to accept the reality of what has just occurred. It seems unreal, unfathomable. We then may enter a place where we may feel angry with the other person for leaving and we feel abandoned or victimized. Under that anger is our pain. It’s another indication of how deeply we loved that person. This is good, because we are getting in touch with our feelings and it shows us that we did love that person and we are angry at their loss.

We may then try to make deals with God or ourselves to bring them back, for instance, “I promise to go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life if you just bring him back.”

As the reality of the loss sinks deeper into our consciousness, we may experience a feeling of hopelessness, deep sadness and depression. This is the phase most commonly recognized in the grief process. This phase allows us to shut down and go quiet so that we may heal on the inside. We are finally acknowledging the loss but we are physically and mentally slowed down by the depression.

This slowing down process brought about by the depression allows us to gradually come to the acceptance of what has actually occurred. This is a very important part of healing from the loss and should not be rushed or avoided. Ultimately, it is a sign that you are healing. At times, we can feel all of these phases at once and sometimes we just jump around from one to the other in no particular order.

Finally, at some point, we experience a sense of acceptance for the loss. Acceptance does not mean that we like it, but we stop fighting our loss and that gives us permission to move forward and live. When we come to acceptance, we once again begin to listen to and take care of our own needs. We reach out to others and we reaffirm old relationships and we engage in new ones.

In the meantime, find those things that you enjoy doing, that give you a sense of rest from your emotions, and do those things without casting judgment on yourself. In time, you will heal.

For more information on grief and healing and a free personality profile, check out LAtherapist.com. For more information on self-help downloads, and to listen to free samples, log onto The Dr. Walton Series.

Marriage and Relationships - making them work

Each spring, the sound of wedding bells fill the air. It’s a time of love, of hope and of high expectations. The famous German playwright, Johan Wolfgang von Goethe, said it best when he said, “Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.”

The concept for marriage out of love is a relatively new experience that began in Europe around 1100 ad. Up until that point, all marriages everywhere were arranged marriages based on political and financial alliances. A practice that continues to remain true for the majority of marriages around the world today.

By the late 1500’s, the idea of marriage based on love had taken hold in Europe inspiring Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. Marriage became a decision made between the husband and wife. Shakespeare’s work explored the ecstasies of passion and the devastating consequences of fiery passion not balanced with a realistic perspective. And what blinded his heroic lovers to the realistic perspective that could have saved their lives and marriage? It was their unrealistic expectations.

Their unrealistic expectations swept them off their feet from their passionate beginning and carried them off to their tragic end. What was true in the time of Shakespeare continues to hold true today; if we allow our expectations of love to run our romance, we will never see the other person, or the marriage itself, in a realistic light. Our unrealistic expectations invite the poison pill of Shakespeare’s tragedy into our own world. Our unrealistic expectations will kill our relationship.

Statistically, arranged marriages experience lower rates of divorce than love based marriages. The reason is that the participants of arranged marriages have lower expectations of their partners. Individuals enter into arranged marriages with lower expectations and therefore experience less disappointment.

They realize that if this arranged marriage is going to work, then they have to accept responsibility for their part in creating harmony and caring with this stranger in their bed. Right from the start, they have to work on it. They do not have the luxury of depending on love to carry them through. If their marriage is going to survive, then they have to make decisions based upon what is good for the relationship. What is true for them is also true for you. If you marriage is going to survive, then you both must begin basing your decisions on what is good for the relationship above what is good for each of you alone.

With divorce rates in this nation nearing the 50 percent mark, I see one and only one culprit: unrealistic expectations. We often expect that marriage, and surely our spouses, will rescue us from our feelings of isolation and loneliness. Love will conquer all. I can assure you that it will not. Marriage is not a solution for loneliness. Under the right circumstances, two can be a lonelier number than one.

There are some things you can do to improve your marital odds. First, and foremost, lower your expectations of what your marriage and your partner are going to do for you. Healthy relationships are created by our participation in them. They are not bestowed upon us through passive participation.

By enacting decisions based upon what is good for the relationship, we help them to grow. Your marriage should be treated as a living being under your care whose health is dependent upon your attention. Your marriage is not there to be your servant. That attitude will quickly drain the vibrancy of your love and leave you to wallow in your disappointment. To have a successful marriage, we must become the loving servants of our marriage and by doing so, we will enjoy the all the gifts that a growing, healthy, and deeply loving relationship can bring.

As young lovers move forward into this wonderful and exciting time of their lives above all else, they would do well to lower what they expect out of their partner. Instead, they might consider what they can contribute ahead of what they will receive. By doing so, the magic of love is allowed to do its work in their lives.

For more information on couples and marriage go to LAtherapist.com and get your free relationship profile or log onto Surviving the Wedding for free samples of premarital downloads. You may also want to check out Dr. Walton's acclaimed Anger Management download. Catch Dr. Walton discussing how to make a marriage work on YouTube.

Internet Dating - getting the most out of it

When Valentines Day arrives, for many singles, the incessant reminders of red hearts and beautiful bouquets only add to their feelings of aloneness. Armed with an arsenal of internet sites that promise a lifetime of happiness, they join in droves. But, do those services really work?

Of all the cultural changes that were taking place at the turn of the 21st century, the introduction of internet dating has to be at the top of the list. With a stoke of a key, an individual searching for true love can have at their disposal more potential ex’s than at any other time in history. What an amazing time we live in.

Technology leading the way in the pursuit of love is actually not a new concept. Rather, it is nearly as old as civilization itself. The creation of mail service allowed people to court each other from different towns within the same area. The invention of the locomotive allowed people from farther distances to court each other. That invention fundamentally, and single-handedly, changed the genetic makeup of the world’s population forever by allowing people from great distances opportunities to form relationships.

The eventual invention of the telephone and air travel only increased the mixing of the world population not only within countries, but between continents as well. All of those inventions were the cutting edge technologies of their day for bringing people together to date and fall in love. It is fitting then, that at the dawn of this century, mankind has created, yet again, another means by which to meet and fall in: the Internet.

Yes, the Internet is here to stay and along with it Internet dating as well. Yes, Internet dating is as legitimate of a way to find true love as any of the other means in our cache of resources. However, the Internet turns the progression to coupling bliss on its head.Traditionally, people have met face to face, typically by chance, before embarking on an exchange of information and courtship. Surprisingly, the most common place for potential partners to meet has been at the work place. The advent of Internet dating is challenging that contender and moving it from the workplace to the privacy of our homes, or more accurately our computers.

Internet dating was once considered by some psychotherapists as a defense against intimacy used only by those who were afraid to reveal themselves in an authentic way or for those who were looking for fast anonymous sex. This may have been true at the very beginning; however, that is not the case today.

Today, the majority of people who turn to Internet dating are seeking out meaningful relationships. The Internet is a wonderful tool. In our busy society, professionals often have a difficult time finding the time to meet people. Internet dating services allow individuals to seek out potential dates while maximizing their efforts by having access to hundreds of potentials at their fingertips. These services also allow individuals to define parameters for potential mates that help to narrow down the search to people that might interest them.

However, Internet dating is far from perfect. People can distort, exaggerate or outright lie about themselves. Most of it is harmless and is based in feelings of insecurity and a desire to be accepted. The most common mistruths presented by men on the Internet are adding an inch to their height, shaving a couple of years off their age or adding a few dollars to their income.

Women tend to shave off a few pounds with an occasional year or two. A simple way to uncover a mistruth about age is to ask candidly, “What year did you graduate high school?” Most people know that answer right off the tip of their tongue. Any extended hesitation begins to feel like a calculation is being made. A person who is basically honest but feeling insecure with his or her age will often take that opportunity to confess the mistruth. If this is the case, deal with it in an understanding manner. After all, this is a person who can actually admit when they are wrong. Not such a bad find.

Presenting a mistruth in your profile is certainly not recommended. Your potential date will eventually find out the truth and may feel deceived by you if you allowed it to continue. That is not a good idea if you want to build trust a new relationship.If you do encounter one of those mistruths, it does not have to be cause for ending the relationship. Instead, turn it into an opportunity to discuss what honesty and trust in a relationship mean to each of you. Now, if you uncover a lie that is more than a small shave here or there, then it may be time to blow the whistle and drop the flag on that relationship. There is no need to stay with someone you don’t trust when there are so many potential people out there you could trust.

The real trick to dating on the Internet is to keep your email communications short and sweet. Keep your emails limited to four or five sentences. The entire point of email communication is to move the conversation to telephone communication. When you have made phone contact, you want to move it along to a face to face meeting.

All of this technological progress in the arena of dating is great, but it doesn’t, and never will, replace good old fashioned, interpersonal one-on-one time for getting to know another person. So yes, Internet dating services really do work by giving you the opportunity to meet more people than you ever could without them. However, like a good pair of running shoes, they can get you to the finish line faster but you still have to run the race yourself.

For more information on on-line dating go to LAtherapist.com and get your personality profile. For more information on self-help downloads, and to listen to free samples, log onto The Dr. Walton Series.