Releasing Road Rage for a Better Driving Experience

Anger is an emotion that we are highly resistant to releasing. Once we are caught in its grasp we hold onto it by repeating the angering incident over and over in our head. Research has shown that people who suffer from chronic anger are almost three times more likely to have a heart attack than the average individual and this is according to the American psychological association.

However, our experience with anger doesn’t have to be this way. We can gain the upper hand of this emotion by changing the way we think and altering our emotional responses to it. When it comes to road rage, notice if your hands are gripping the steering wheel in an unusually tight manner. If they are, gently relax your hands while maintaining control of the steering wheel.

Notice your breathing. Notice if your breathing is free and easy or if you’re holding your breath and your breathing is shallow. By not breathing properly, we can amplify the physical sensations associated with aggression that can contribute to dangerous driving. It’s important for you to breathe deeply through your nose filling your lungs to their capacity and then exhale completely through your mouth. As you exhale allow your body to relax into a comfortable driving position. Repeat this often as necessary to help reduce any physical tension you may experience behind the wheel.

What we are listening to on the radio while we are diving is important as well. Often times, our mood will reflect or be affected by the words and style of the music we are listening to. Hard music with a driving beat often times will stimulate and agitate while music with a soothing melody will relax us. Soothing music is always preferable to listen to if you are feeling agitated while driving.

Whenever possible, make sure that you have fresh air ventilation circulating in the car. Circulating fresh air can have a calming effect. It is easy and common to feel a sense of isolation from our environment when driving behind the wheel of our car. We are separated from everyone around us and we lose touch with their humanity and view the other drivers as objects in our way intent on preventing us from arriving at our destination.

Often, we take their driving behavior personally, as if they were intending to block our path. This is not usually the case. Imagine for a moment, if you will, the annoying driver in front of you is actually a beloved relative, say your favorite grandmother. How would you be feeling towards them now? Can you think of a loving experience you shared with that individual at one time?

Notice your body’s reaction to this thought. Notice how your thoughts affect your feelings about the others around you when you do this. You may find you driving becoming more relaxed and your ability to focus grow stronger.

No matter how many obstacles you come across on your journey, whether you have a car cut in front of you or a driver driving unreasonably slow, you are always in control of your thoughts and actions and you can protect yourself and those around you by driving in manner that is safe and responsible.

Remember everyone around you is loved by somebody just as you love and were loved by your favorite relative. Feel those protective feelings as you are driving on the road.We have all experienced an aggressive driver, a sudden stop, an erratic gesture or other discourteous experience from another motorist. We’ve all been there, everyone you see around you has experience this for themselves at some point as well. Keep this in mind. Any frustration that you are experiencing on the road has been shared by others around you at some point during their own driving experience.
Will this frustrating experience really matter a week from now, is it worth arriving at your destination angry? Is it worth the risk of being involved in an accident?

Use this experience as a catalyst for changing your thoughts to change your mood to have a better day.

When driving and feeling some frustration, take a deep breath slowly through your nose and gently exhale through your mouth and tell yourself “I am in control of my thoughts and actions and my safety and the safety of my passengers is foremost in my mind as I bring us to our destination safely.”

For more information on anger management, log onto LAtherapist.com. To listen to free anger management sample downloads, log onto Anger Management.

Healing from Grief

Grief is something we will all experience in our lives. Because we live, form attachments and love, we experience grief when these attachments and bonds are broken. It makes little difference if the break in the bond was intentional as through a decision we make, or unintentional resulting from death or the actions of another. If we had formed a bond, then we will experience grief if it is broken.

Our experience of grief is an essential process for healing from a loss. Experiencing grief is unavoidable if we are to heal. Everyone experiences grief in their own time and manner. Through the processes of grief, we both cry and laugh as we remember the individual. It is a process of integrating the reality of the loss into our lives in a way that allows us to move forward in our own life.

During the first part of the grief, we may not want to accept the reality of what has just occurred. It seems unreal, unfathomable. We then may enter a place where we may feel angry with the other person for leaving and we feel abandoned or victimized. Under that anger is our pain. It’s another indication of how deeply we loved that person. This is good, because we are getting in touch with our feelings and it shows us that we did love that person and we are angry at their loss.

We may then try to make deals with God or ourselves to bring them back, for instance, “I promise to go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life if you just bring him back.”

As the reality of the loss sinks deeper into our consciousness, we may experience a feeling of hopelessness, deep sadness and depression. This is the phase most commonly recognized in the grief process. This phase allows us to shut down and go quiet so that we may heal on the inside. We are finally acknowledging the loss but we are physically and mentally slowed down by the depression.

This slowing down process brought about by the depression allows us to gradually come to the acceptance of what has actually occurred. This is a very important part of healing from the loss and should not be rushed or avoided. Ultimately, it is a sign that you are healing. At times, we can feel all of these phases at once and sometimes we just jump around from one to the other in no particular order.

Finally, at some point, we experience a sense of acceptance for the loss. Acceptance does not mean that we like it, but we stop fighting our loss and that gives us permission to move forward and live. When we come to acceptance, we once again begin to listen to and take care of our own needs. We reach out to others and we reaffirm old relationships and we engage in new ones.

In the meantime, find those things that you enjoy doing, that give you a sense of rest from your emotions, and do those things without casting judgment on yourself. In time, you will heal.

For more information on grief and healing and a free personality profile, check out LAtherapist.com. For more information on self-help downloads, and to listen to free samples, log onto The Dr. Walton Series.

Marriage and Relationships - making them work

Each spring, the sound of wedding bells fill the air. It’s a time of love, of hope and of high expectations. The famous German playwright, Johan Wolfgang von Goethe, said it best when he said, “Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.”

The concept for marriage out of love is a relatively new experience that began in Europe around 1100 ad. Up until that point, all marriages everywhere were arranged marriages based on political and financial alliances. A practice that continues to remain true for the majority of marriages around the world today.

By the late 1500’s, the idea of marriage based on love had taken hold in Europe inspiring Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. Marriage became a decision made between the husband and wife. Shakespeare’s work explored the ecstasies of passion and the devastating consequences of fiery passion not balanced with a realistic perspective. And what blinded his heroic lovers to the realistic perspective that could have saved their lives and marriage? It was their unrealistic expectations.

Their unrealistic expectations swept them off their feet from their passionate beginning and carried them off to their tragic end. What was true in the time of Shakespeare continues to hold true today; if we allow our expectations of love to run our romance, we will never see the other person, or the marriage itself, in a realistic light. Our unrealistic expectations invite the poison pill of Shakespeare’s tragedy into our own world. Our unrealistic expectations will kill our relationship.

Statistically, arranged marriages experience lower rates of divorce than love based marriages. The reason is that the participants of arranged marriages have lower expectations of their partners. Individuals enter into arranged marriages with lower expectations and therefore experience less disappointment.

They realize that if this arranged marriage is going to work, then they have to accept responsibility for their part in creating harmony and caring with this stranger in their bed. Right from the start, they have to work on it. They do not have the luxury of depending on love to carry them through. If their marriage is going to survive, then they have to make decisions based upon what is good for the relationship. What is true for them is also true for you. If you marriage is going to survive, then you both must begin basing your decisions on what is good for the relationship above what is good for each of you alone.

With divorce rates in this nation nearing the 50 percent mark, I see one and only one culprit: unrealistic expectations. We often expect that marriage, and surely our spouses, will rescue us from our feelings of isolation and loneliness. Love will conquer all. I can assure you that it will not. Marriage is not a solution for loneliness. Under the right circumstances, two can be a lonelier number than one.

There are some things you can do to improve your marital odds. First, and foremost, lower your expectations of what your marriage and your partner are going to do for you. Healthy relationships are created by our participation in them. They are not bestowed upon us through passive participation.

By enacting decisions based upon what is good for the relationship, we help them to grow. Your marriage should be treated as a living being under your care whose health is dependent upon your attention. Your marriage is not there to be your servant. That attitude will quickly drain the vibrancy of your love and leave you to wallow in your disappointment. To have a successful marriage, we must become the loving servants of our marriage and by doing so, we will enjoy the all the gifts that a growing, healthy, and deeply loving relationship can bring.

As young lovers move forward into this wonderful and exciting time of their lives above all else, they would do well to lower what they expect out of their partner. Instead, they might consider what they can contribute ahead of what they will receive. By doing so, the magic of love is allowed to do its work in their lives.

For more information on couples and marriage go to LAtherapist.com and get your free relationship profile or log onto Surviving the Wedding for free samples of premarital downloads. You may also want to check out Dr. Walton's acclaimed Anger Management download. Catch Dr. Walton discussing how to make a marriage work on YouTube.