Monday, December 28, 2009

Recovering from Grief and Moving Forward in Your Life

Grief arises as a rumbling deep from within our soul as we take in the experience of loss.  Without it, our soul is numb, for grief deepens and expands our experience in life as we are changed through the meaning we give it.  It softens the hardened heart bringing forth a greater understanding and empathy for others. 

By allowing grief to soften the heart, it is no longer entrapped by irrational demand to control and impossible outcome, but is freed to form a new sense of compassion and empowerment.  We are awakened to a new perspective our our wold that we would not have had without the experience of grief.

That we love implies that well will grieve.  There are times that only through the depth of our grief are we able to truly see the depth of our love.  To understand love, one must also understand grief.

Grief: an encasement of sorrow surrounding us like a tight fitting blanket; black, encasing us in endless pain and sadness.  We lose sight of our direction and lose touch with our souls.  Hidden behind the darkness of our emotions a dark veil of disconnection descends between us and the inner light of our being.  Within the shadow of grief we cook and grow, fostering a reemergence as a seed protected within its cocoon like shell.  Hard and alienated, life continues to well within.  Awaiting the moment of life giving water allowing it to break its shell and come forth into the world anew and vibrant. 

We are not alone in the world with our grief.  Everyone on the planet experiences grief at some point in their lives.  Because we love, we form attachments with others and we experience grief when those attachments are broken.  If we had formed a bond, then we will experience grief if it is broken.

Grief is an essential process for healing from a loss.  Experiencing grief is unavoidable if we are to heal.  Grief is the process that allows us to take in the reality of the loss unchaining us from the past and allowing us to move forward in our own life.

We may not want to accept what has occurred.  We may become angry about it; and in that process, we connect with feelings that reveal to us the depths of our love for that individual.

As our loss sinks deeper, hopelessness, deep sadness and depression reveal themselves to us.  We shut down and go quiet allowing the healing to begin on the inside.  We are now acknowledging our loss and in the process we are slowed by depression eventually allowing us to come to acceptance over the loss that has occurred.  It is a slow cooking process, not to be hurried.  It is a sign that we are healing.

As we come to acceptance, we release our demand on a different outcome.  Acceptance doe3s not mean that we like the outcome, but we stop fighting our loss and that gives us permission to move forward and join life again. 

With the dawn or our acceptance, we reach out to others.  We reaffirm our current relationships and we engage in forming new ones.  We once again address our own needs.

Find those things that you enjoy, allow yourself to take a rest from your emotions without placing judgment on yourself.

Dr. Walton's latest album, Healing from Grief and Finding Peace in Your Life, was just released. Check it out on iTunes, Amazon.com, and CDbaby for free samples. For more information on Dr. James E. Walton you may log onto his website at LAtherapist.com There you will find free affirmation downloads, videos, self-help CDs and helpful topical pages for you to explore.








Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Grief Recovery: Coming to Acceptance

Grief is something we will all experience in our lives.
Because we live, form attachments and love, we experience grief when these attachments and bonds are broken.

It makes little difference how the bond was broken. If we had formed a bond, then we will experience grief if it is broken.

Our experience of grief is an essential process for healing from a loss. Experiencing grief is unavoidable if we are to heal.

Everyone experiences grief in their own time and manner. Through the processes of grief, we both cry and laugh as we remember the individual. It is a process of integrating the reality of the loss into our lives in a way that allows us to move forward in our own life.

During the first part of the grief, we may not want to accept the reality of what has just occurred. It seems unreal, unfathomable.

We then may enter a place where we feel angry with the other person for leaving us and we feel abandoned or victimized. Under that anger is our pain. It’s another indication of how deeply we loved that person. This is good, because we are getting in touch with our feelings and it shows us that we did love that person and we’re angry at their loss.

We may then try to make deals with God or ourselves to bring them back, for instance, “I promise to go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life if you just bring him back.”

As the reality of the loss sinks deeper into our consciousness, we may experience a feeling of hopelessness, deep sadness and depression. This is the phase most commonly recognized in the grief process.

This phase allows us to shut down and go quiet so that we may heal on the inside. We’re finally acknowledging the loss but we’re physically and mentally slowed down by the depression. This slowing down process, brought about by the depression, allows us to gradually come to the acceptance of what has actually occurred. This is a very important part of healing from the loss and should not be rushed or avoided. Ultimately, it’s a sign that you’re healing.

At times, it can feel as if we’re going through all of these phases at once and other times, it can feel as if we’re jumping around from one to the other in no particular order.

Finally, at some point, we experience a sense of acceptance for the loss. Acceptance doesn’t mean that we like it, but we stop fighting our loss, and that gives us permission to move forward and live. When we come to acceptance, we once again begin to listen to, and take care of, our own needs. We reach out to others, we reaffirm old relationships and we engage in new ones.

In the meantime, find those things that you enjoy doing, that give you a sense of rest from your emotions, and do those things without casting judgment on yourself.

Dr. Walton's latest album, Healing from Grief and Finding Peace in Your Life, was just released. Check it out on iTunes, Amazon.com, CDbaby for free samples and other online outlets. For more information on Dr. James E. Walton you may log onto his website at LAtherapist.com There you will find free affirmation downloads, videos, self-help CDs and helpful topical pages for you to explore.





Saturday, December 5, 2009

Near-Death Experiences: The After Life

The focus of my dissertation research was on near-death experiences as a rite of passage toward spiritual maturity. It is available for your enjoyment through the link at the bottom of this post.

Having an awareness that there are things out there in life hidden from our view creates for me a mystery. Mysteries bring a sense of awe. Experiencing the awe of a mystery can have a greater impact upon our psyche than the actual revelation of the mystery.

Returning with the mystery that their lives continued after their deaths, the near-death experiencers in this study gained a renewed awe and appreciation for life. They reported a change in their attitudes toward life that they attributed directly to the NDE. They claimed that where they were once selfish or fearful in life, they were now giving and fearless. They spoke of returning with a renewed sense of love, respect and wonderment for nature. Their motivation for doing right action was no longer based on fear.

By sharing their stories with us, they have brought the gift of mystery into our own lives. As in Pandora’s box, these pioneers have brought back with them the gift of hope in a world wracked by insanity.

There is no greater gift than the gift of hope. For in our hope, we meet our innocence. In our innocence, we hold no malice. By holding no malice, we are open to the processes of life and by opening to life, we hold eternity in our hands.

Near-Death Experiences: The Research